Just got back from lawyers, Not sure how I am feeling right now. I signed the family valuation papers These lead to a separation agreement I only signed them for financial reasons. I do not agree with the Date of Separation DOS. Yes that date is significant to me. Cause the day H wrote was the day he left saying he was just going to "stay at cottage for a few days" but on these legal papers it states that the DOS is the day when there is absolutely no possibility of reconciliation. I still believe there is - that is what was preventing me from signing the papers. I feel like I have been pressured to sign them because H was withholding money so to ensure he pays his share I have to compromise my morals. So anyway - they are signed and I really don't know if I am feeling numb or lighter or maybe I'm just exhausted cause I couldn't sleep last night.
You stood for your future. Excellent, the first of many stands.
I am very glad you did, in the long run that is so important, the best for you.
This truly isn't a moral issue in 10 or 20 years time a gap of time will mean little, just a difference of view. Lack of strength, L support and standing for YOUR future and the kids truly that will matter. frankly an early date sounds better than a later one as a strategy as the rate that WH is spending, the assets are dwindling, settling that will matter.
That is the moral issue, that is your core issue to care enough for you. That will matter more than X or Y date when separation might be permanent on a paper, it matters that you care for you. Are a strong moral stance for your kids.
I am proud of you, you stand today. Now you can sleep soundly in peace.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/17/1511:11 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am really proud of you too. I know how tough this must have been, as I have still been stalling and procrastinating and denying my reality. Please keep posting on your situation.
I have a question. Did you discuss with husband what you were planning on doing first, or did you just let lawyers handle it and he was served?
Last edited by JulieH; 11/18/1504:04 AM.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Hi Julie - thanks, I keep second guessing myself thinking if I have now started a process that I never wanted - he wanted this -H wanted me to sign these valuation papers months ago but he wanted to do it without lawyers and sell our vacation home without lawyers. He wanted to do it all his way - he had it all planned out.
After the "big reveal" as I call it ( when the kids walked in on him and OW doing the nasty) I went up to talk to him - he hadn't been paying his share of expenses or contributing to the kids school cost or anything for a few months- so it was then when he could no longer lie that there was an OW - I told him I had to look after the financial security of the kids and myself (he has accumulated 20000 in credit card debt in 6 months time)
So I told him I had retained a lawyer and he needed to do the same He was a littled shocked - of course he can't afford it - but he is making decisions with her - they are now living together -that are not in the best interest of our kids
Yes he is still with OW and I couldn't help myself I already responded I said "Me 2". I thought using the #2 made it a little more casua?!? Even though I really wanted to say how much I love him and I will wait forever and the door will always be open ..... I didn't though
I guess the risk is this....say he has a little tiff with OW last night. He's a bit mad at her. He thinks fondly of you. He texts you (is Jpeg still on the hook?) You text back. Yes she is. He and OW make up. Jpeg is forgotten for now....
If the above is what is happening (or something similar) you risk remaining - on the hook, plan B, back burner or whatever you want to call it - for a good while.
So, while it's evident he has feelings for you. I'm sure many of our WAS's do. What truly matters is taking significant action back towards the M. I don't think anything less than that (given the betrayal and ongoing R with OW) should really interest us. We should take it for what it is and move forward. Otherwise, we risk just being someone who participates in covert texting with someone else's boyfriend.
You've replied and that's fine. However, I would take it for what it (probably) is for now, and move solidly forward. If your H wants to catch up, he has more to do than this and for sure he knows where you are.
This isn't a 2x4 as such, but I would be wary of responding too warmly to temp checks like these.
