We're in the same neck of the woods, if your handle is correct - Minnesota? In a similar situation, too.
My wife just got very unhappy very quickly. I couldn't figure out the hatred coming my way all the time - in the past we argued quite a bit, and never worked on the marriage much. She kept on saying 'I'm just sick of 15 years of crap'... and then I found the messages, that they met up, and it all came together. Getting her to admit to her EA/PA is one thing - watching my wife in the 'fog' of the affair is another. Sounds like your wife is in the fog.
Hang in there. Get a consultation with a divorce lawyer - one that is recommended to you. I did, and got awesome advice, and if the D comes, which it might, I know who I'm going with. What he said led me to wait it out until my wife comes around (which might happen - small changes happening day by day), or she files. Until then, working on myself. Keep on focusing on having awesome conversations with the kids, and make work something you enjoy.
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)