Wayward Wife, my addiction, advice needed

[sandi2]

They have seen the disrespect and resentment from my wife towards me, but so far they are respectful of me. It does bug my wife, and has for a while. Now that I see it for what it is, it's unacceptable to me, but I haven't told her that yet - I can tell it would go over like a lead balloon.

The kids learn how to treat their future spouse by watching their parents. The girls will treat their future H the way they see their mom treating you. Your son will learn how to deal with a wayward wife, by watching how you deal with this. Of course, we hope he won't have a WW, but have you noticed how many threads on the board are about WW's?

So, tell me, do you know why she resents you? In other words, you know she is resentful, but do you know what caused it?

What about disrespecting you? Does she roll her eyes, talk to you through the kids...."Tell your daddy so & so", when you are sitting right there? Does she say things in a disrespectful tone? How about in front of other? Does she put you down or make you the butt of a joke? It is especially damaging in front of the kids for one parent to put down the other one in their presence. Of course, the A is the epitome of disrespect.

I understand how a woman's health can hinder a relationship. Although it takes a lot of patience and compassion, it should not be an excuse for doing what your W is doing. I hope that doesn't sound too cold. I was actually experiencing quite a bit of health issues myself, when I had an A. FWIW, I had no libido for years, but guess what I discovered? Doctors have something to help with that problem.

While I appreciate that we might be meeting with the pastor/counselor soon, I don't think she's past the withdrawls of the EA.

It took me months to get past it. I would go to church and act as though everything was fine, but God knew my heart and life wasn't fine. In fact, that played a big part in me making a decision based on doing what was right, instead of doing what I felt. I stayed in my M, but it was a couple of years before I began to feel better toward my H.

The next minute she'll kick off a sarcastic remark (grew up extremely sarcastic) that is meant to inflict harm on me. I've tried to remain silent, or asking 'was that comment was meant to hurt me?' or telling her 'those words hurt', but her apologies after the fact are half-hearted and insulting. She's become a boss at her workplace in the last 6 months too, so a lot more demands on her time have made a change in her.

First, let me just say that I understand how stress can affect a person. People are affected differently. Let me also say that she can learn how to help with the stress without being nasty. I'll bet she knows who she can and who she can't talk to that manner.

Do not be silent when she insults you are says anything to show disrespect (including sarcasm and tone of voice). Stop everything and deal with it. As long as you stay silent, she will get worse. If a woman knows she can say anything nasty to her H and he just takes it.....her disrespect for him will worsen. You do not have to see how ugly you can be, but do call her attention to it and let her know you don't appreciate it. If she pays no attention and continues, then you need to consider how to react that would get the message across to her, "Whenever I say sarcastic or insulting things to my H, this is what happens". It's called a boundary, and it is to protect your feelings. You have to be the one to do the action when or if she dishonors your personal boundary.

More than once she's asked 'Didn't you see this coming?'... well, no, I didn't. I accepted the relationship in it's broken state, and thought it would get better with time.

It's very frustrating for many women. It causes a lot of anger and more resentment b/c they feel the H just has his head in the sand so he didn't see anything......much less do anything about it.

Just don't take the blame for her A. Everyone is responsible for their own behavior/actions.