My wife had an affair..

[Dawgs]

This was when I drove around and realized that she may not have it in her to fix this, it can't just be me.

Some do and some don't. I am slowly coming to the conclusion to that myself. The only thing I may add is that take care of yourself first. It took me months to get to where I am OK and no longer an emotional mess. But, without becoming the best you can, it will be as Azzork says.

My W has allowed years and years of history - going back to childhood and early relationships (I won't go into that here, its all in my thread) - to damage us. She is so damaged to the point where I think all she wants is an escape route.

I am hoping for you and will be following your thread, so keep your head up! Work on yourself and become the best you can be - for you, not her. Whether she sees that is on her. If she chooses not to come back, then that is on her, not you. Do what you can to the best of your ability.