Hi Scrant, I would say if she is strugglling to understand, you haven't yet made it abundantly clear.

Now, without being mean & cold, what does that look like?

No social chat with her
Brief, none or delayed answers to texts
Only answer business texts
Returning keys if S
Making your own plans

And if she asks you to do something together - respond, no - that doesn't work for me.

None of this need be mean - but it does convey the message - we won't be friends. She is keeping you on the back burner in case things go south with OM.

I would get off that back burner and leave her waaay behind with yucky OM. If she wants to catch you up, she's gonna have to run!

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus