Still on the first chapter

[Enigma]

Well, I'm upset with myself from this weekend. WW and I have few texts still, and focus entirely on S2, financial matters, and logistics. Late last week I initiated a text on a bill. I was planning to pay 100% originally, but realized she should probably pay half (this relates to our car that was just sold and we split the proceeds).

I text her the details on Thursday night and she responds and confirms that she will pay on Saturday morning. She then sends a follow up text on logistics for next Thanksgiving weekend (it is her turn with S2). She wanted to split him that weekend as she has plans on Saturday with a girlfriend of hers (not sure why she pointed this out.. but whatever as don't read into where or what she does). I'm thinking of taking time off early next year for vacation so agree to next weekend split and she agrees to next year time off.

I'm upset that I will have to physically see her for the first time since she left end of Sep. Will have to make this transition with S2 quick and at a public location (I don't wish her to come to our house).

She then mentions she wants New Year's eve as has plans (again mentioning girlfriends of hers... she never mentions anything about OM to me ever.. quite amusing). I tell her I will get back to her on this (I don't currently have plans, but I'm not agreeing to this right away).

I can't believe the "what will you do for me if I do this for you..." mentality I just used. I should know better, and now I will break the no contact in person. I guess I should realize these days will come into play with S2, but for me just shows me I haven't detached from her. I still dream about her which is sad.

I need to continue to do what is right for S2 and I and plan logistics better in advance and without the "take and leave" approach. I will learn from this.

WW is in a relationship with OM. She is living with him. They are apparently in love. There is no sign she will ever leave. The few friends I've opened up to ALL tell me she will come crawling back. Whether that happens or does not, changes nothing in my own path. I will continue as I am. Focusing on myself. It feels weird and selfish to think that way as I've never done that, but focusing on self does really help ease the old pain I felt strongly in the beginning.

Just having one of those days.. but onwards and upwards.