if my W won't let me in enough to show her, then how will she ever see? I feel so much better about who I am now and where I am headed - and I feel like the old me in so many ways again. Although that was a long time ago, I feel that I am in that spot - but she doesn't see it. All she wants to do is nitpick and whatever...
Sorry for the long winded reply...
I hate to say this, because it took me a while to get it, and I had a pretty in depth conversation about it with a female friend of mine. She didn't (initially) agree with what I was doing. She thought that if I loved my wife, and since we had a kid and had been together for as long as we where, that I should WAIT, put my feelings on hold and concentrate on her. It took me about an hour to convince her that doing that would drive a person insane. My wife decided to leave, my wife decided to be with someone else. As sandi said, I was FIRED as a husband, as a man basically. Why would I do anything for this women anymore. If she knows I love her and knows I am willing to work on things, then the rest is up to her. She has to change her mind. There is nothing I can do for her. I keep moving forward, I control my life now. She can sit in the past and be angry and nitpick and complain and say all these things, but it doesn't affect me anymore. I don't want that life. I want more. And if shes stuck in the past then that's on her.
If you are/where at the point where I was, then its not about whether or not she see's you. Its about being comfortable with yourself. Its about being the best version of yourself. For YOU. Not her. She doesn't care anymore. And anything you try to do for her will fall on deaf ears and blind eyes.
You make it clear through your ACTIONS that you do not accept what she is doing. That you still have the love for her, and are open to working on things, but you will not put your life on hold and you will not break your boundaries for her.
The reality of most of our situations is a huge, hard, nasty pill to swallow. If you are separated in house, its almost going to be harder than if you were apart completely.
Because the more I detach and withdraw, the more I can see she notices. The more she reaches out to me. She asked me if I was seeing anyone the last time we talked. I asked why and she said because I had stopped texting her, and it made her sad. And I honestly didn't know how to respond. I almost wanted to laugh and say you are sad?? I said Ive just been really busy and have to concentrate on me. She said she understood, but I can tell she doesn't like it. But as long as she wants to do what she is doing, then I am going to keep on this path.
She will know if you are still doing things for her. They can sense it, feel it, intuition or whatever you want to call it. And I firmly believe as long as they have this feeling they will not change. And you know what, this may not lead to reconciliation, but I guarantee you will be a better, happier person if you CHOOSE it.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
