thanks Rottzilla! I needed to hear somebody agree with that, I think. I just posted on your thread, love your discussion topic for today !
I have to tell about something my H said Thurday night when we were having our "not seeing OW" discussion. My H sees himself as such a "rebel"....and he made the comment "I just don't follow the scenarios, I'm just not like them". I had no clue what the heck he was talking about, and asked what he meant....he said, "you know, in your book, I just don't respond like the people in the scenarios" (meaning DR)...Actually, I had to work to keep from smirking or laughing out loud...he has obviously snuck my book and read almost the whole thing (SNOOPING!!!!!!) and....if he only knew how incredibly predictable the stuff he says and does is. I am always amazed at how similar all the WA's here on the board sound!!!!! Anyway, I was cool enough to just keep a straight face and look at him and nod...didn't even say anything to my Mr. Unique!
yeah, I thought of that....I always dump the history, and I don't think he's computer wise enough to go any deeper than that. I have to be really careful to hide my journals though, generally keep them in my office or buried in my closet...
I still don't know what to think, other than I may be the queen of blowing it... I havent said a word to H about R, OW, anything since last Thursdays "stuff"; in fact, I've been kind of "backed off" in all ways.... H has been friendly, warm, still joking, then this morning before work I asked if he had a busy day scheduled, and he said "yes, every minute is booked and you can check my computer scheduler, as you obviously do", this was kind of out of the blue and he was irritated. I told him "I really don't do that as a rule", he didn't say anything and just left. So, I don't know if he's "up to something" again, or just "thinking" but he's obviously irritated. I've been trying to put myself in his shoes and think how things must seem through his eyes (????????). I guess I would be pretty irritated if I was trying and felt like I was being watched real closely. But then again, I would tell the other person I was trying -- UNLESS I was really putting them to the test......hmmmm.... I'm Not sure how to handle it....just ignore it is my thought, anybody else got any suggestions? I am NOT going to check his schedule!!! Last night in bed, I snuggled up against him and put my arm around him, and told him how good he felt and that I'd been dreaming of hugging him all day. H said "really? thanks" in a kind of weirdly wistful voice...no ml though, we were both so tired we went right to sleep. I think I know why folks around here call it a roller coaster.
God I hate my instincts, because they don't miss often. I just got an email from H that says "I can take S to religious Ed. tonight so you can work on the taxes"....2 weeks ago he asked me to take him for the rest of the year because it would "be best for all concerned"....last Thursday, I'm pretty sure that he was with OW....thursday nite he told me he wasnt seeing her. /we had a great weekend, H was home, he's been hinting around at having to do paperwork this weekend again. Now this. I sent the following reply to H, don't know if it was wrong or right, but I felt I had to send it to not be a real doormat. "I can get taxes done with out a problem even if I take Aaron to class tonight. You asked me a couple of weeks ago if I would take him the rest of the year, and I've made plans to do that. Are there things that are changing for you that make you want things done differently now? I don't want to jump to conclusions and really try hard to avoid it, but some things that happen make it very difficult for me to avoid. I would appreciate it very much if you could be upfront with me." I feel like we need to have a discussion tonight regardless of who takes S to class, but I am very angry that he asks me to do it, gets my hopes up of course, and then turns right around and does this....This is one of their prime meeting times/places. SOMEBODY HELP. WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW? I'm so blown away I have no clue!!! H has read my E mail but not responded to it, he read it 35 minutes ago.
um, well all I can tell you is hindsight. He was pissy about the scheduler intrusion. He then said something that would piss you off and you went for it. You probably shouldnt have hinted about the OW in your email to him.
What I think you should have done (and still may be able to with damage control) is make it an issue about boundaries and about your S.
"Several weeks ago you asked me to take him to class. I can understand if you want to do it to help me out, but we need to be more consistent on how we deal with issues, esp ones that concern our S. I dont need you to take him to class tonight; I have no problems doing it for you. How about we forget the heated email from before and just go with that, ok? I do appreciate the offer"
or somesuch.
Bill.
"you are who you chose to be" - Iron Giant
Link To CURRENT Sitch
Deb Deb Deb - pure anti db'ing - you're trying to control him. Stop. Let go. Thank him for the offer and say "it's ok I said I'd take care of it". Dont crazymake it into a liason. It may be, but you're pushing him away.
Stop.
2x4 - thwack.
Bill.
"you are who you chose to be" - Iron Giant
Link To CURRENT Sitch
thanks guys, you're both right....Bill, wow, you are so on target about him firing a shot back over the scheduler intrusion, and I jumped right on it....yes, I need to focus on limits/boundaries as they effect our S. Actually, S has told me he prefers me to take him...I think he has a lot of anxiety about what goes on while he's in class all on his own. I did get an email back from H that said he was trying to be helpful because I acted like it was an imposition last time (???????) and he expressed irritation/concern that we won't get the loan for the vehicle he wants (I don't know why it should be a problem, have been trying to call the banker) I emailed him back (before I got your responses): "ILY. I appreciate your being helpful and all the other things you've been doing lately. I'm trying to be helpful to you also, and it's not a problem to take him to class. I didn't mean to or realize that I did give the impression that it was an imposition last time". Then I told him what I've found out about vehicles...he hasnt read this latest email, so I don't know if it will damper or fuel the flames. sigh.....
Bill, how am i being controlling here/earlier? please don't take that question wrong, i really need to know what you see because obviously that is a big issue in our R for him and I am clueless about what I do that comes across that way. I'm not aware of that as an intent in what I do..... It's so hard to sort this crap out, for me any way.
!