Thank you Mahhhty. Good news to report- my "fun" with the boys must have reached H after all, he ended up grabbing the boys for a wrestling match right before bed, and of course they loved that. More fun wrestling with Dad who they don't have to "hold back" with- they are sweet and know they can hurt me but with Dad they can really go wild.
Afterwards H was obviously depressed, so I asked him to talk and I validated. I am feeling better about myself, my ability to validate and my mothering skills, but a little sickened about the stuff coming out of H's mouth that needs validation. He is still really depressed and puts a negative spin on everything. He started blaming me for S's anxiety - that is new- so far I am to blame for his mother's problems, his problems, and D's problems, so might as well add S to the list now. His view of the world is just so bleak and I must be really powerful in his mind in that I can destroy everyone.
The good news- I think we are back to pre-BD H. Not the H that I fell in love with, but the one who was just about to crack. I think the raging, spewing is over, and now with my newfound ability to validate, STFU, not react, etc, maybe, just maybe we can climb out of this pit. The bad news- he is still very depressed, and this is the mindset that he was in right before BD so it could go either way. And to be honest, I still love him but I am fed up with the negativity, it is getting really old and very unattractive.
