Back on these forums again 3

[Mona52]

Ugh... H was pulling me down yesterday. He has been acting more and more depressed lately. He says he has no one to support him. So I made the monumental mistake of sending him a text yesterday. Just a "how are you feeling today" text.

Mistake...

When I booted him, I transferred all the bills into my name. all of them. But he still had bills. And they are not my responsibility. Apparently he just got a letter today he owed $800 to a creditor because I stopped paying his bills.

So he told me about it in a very depressed "Poor me, nothing I do will work, I am gonna quit my job and run away to Puerto Rico, because I cant pay my bills" attitude.

Immediately I felt like this was MY fault.

Immediately I started to jump in and problem solve. I sent him a text
"I would like to talk it out and try to help, but only of you can talk. If you just want to go with "the world is against me" attitude, then there is not much I can do"

He texted back
"What do you suggest"

However... his text came 12 minutes later. His loss.

During that 12 minutes I went from the point where I was ready and willing to give him $800 from my income tax check, all the way to I am not giving him a single penny.

Freaking guilt works on me every single time. But HE is the one who should feel guilty. He is the one doing this to himself and his kids and me for that matter.

So when he texted me back, instead of my normal cheerful self, I gave him depression.
Me: idk, ignore me and forget what i said, All my suggestions turn to cr@p.

HA!

I gave him depression and went about my life. I have not spoken to him since. I know he is waiting for me to make things better, so instead I will ignore. And it is surprisingly easy. I have my own life to wrestle with and I dont want to be around an unhappy person. I know that sounds so selfish. That is because it is selfish. But I am happy.

It hit me in the face, this is the exact reason I was unhappy. So easily I forgot how frustrating it was to live with a person who wont help himself.

I prioritized my tasks yesterday and was able to get half completely done. My mother was out last night so I was able to just relax with my D15 in the living room. I am crocheting myself a blanket. I have made everyone else a blanket, and this was supposed to be my H blanket in the colors of the New York Giants football team. When he left I unraveled his blanket, and bought colors I like. So last night I was able to get a few more inches done in peace and quiet while my D killed zombies on Call of Duty. (That is a video game)

After that I stayed up and got more work done. So today I am not as overwhelmed.I am just taking one thing at a time and getting the work done!

Thankfully, my mind is so busy, and when it strays, it only strays to H once in a while. Instead it strays to my Friday night friends and what they did on Sunday, or what they said on Friday, etc. I have 5 things brewing to earn extra cash, so I can completely fail 4 of them and still get some extra cash in. One might be before christmas, i hope!

I just need to take one day at a time and one thing at a time. I have plans for the future, but if I live in the present, like dear Judy is focusing on, I find I can get a ton of things done right now. Makes the future much more appealing.