Underneath it all I'm quite insecure, a bit of a control freak and a thinker to top it all off as well. I know the past few years have brought out the very worst in me.
But then again, who wouldn't feel insecure if their partner was having an EA over the course of 3 years (with a lot of it happening while he was at work, on the other side of the world)?
Anyway, the last time I was on my own (ie, without a partner) was 18 years ago...such a long time ago! I remember feeling quite alone in my early to mid 20s, and lonely as well. And I think part of me was really scared I would be going back to that horrible feeling.
I think I'm starting to discover that things are different now, all these years on. Maybe that's because I feel I might know myself a little better now? And am not quite so scared of life and of other people? I've noticed people wanting to speak to me over the past few weeks. And yesterday when I was doing my GAL thang, people were curious about where I was travelling to and why (in a nice way, not a creepy way).
Ancaire, this is such a slow process, and so painful too. But every day brings us a little more knowledge and self awareness, and more strength and composure. Time, I've discovered, is very much our friend in this.
I'm slowly painting the woodwork round the house. I don't know what this would come under? It's not GAL, but it's been good for how I'm feeling. And it's not expensive to do either.
