Good, good points, Rottzilla! H is so upset be feeling that I don't trust him and check up on him that he has punished me by not telling me he wasnt seeing her. if indeed it's true and he isnt' seeing her, but the religious ed class deal makes me think he must not be for a little while anyway. and some of his comments add to that.... now that I have myself thoroughly confused!
I am putting a lot of my focus on trying to let him know that i appreciate and want him and enjoy him while backing off....I think it seems to be working....gotta check out that one book, though
Hey Rottzilla, you know how you were talking about tuning into behaviors and not just words? I got a weird email from my H about noon wanting to know if I got a new vehicle bought for him...he's been talking about needing to get something different, which he does--his has lots of miles on it....I had mentioned seeing something over the weekend that he might like. we talked about possibilities, I didn't take it as a right now kind of thing, but from the lunch-hour emails, this guy is dead serious and in a hurry.... then it occured to me. He has, I know, taken OW's nice new shiny SUV out of town to conferences, and of course she goes w/him....maybe part of it is he's seeing this as a way to gain more distance from her? weird....I wonder if that's it... we have a nice mini-van, but of course that's not cool for a MLC'er! at all! I remember him actually telling his BIL that no woman would ever look at him again if he got a mini-van. guess I should have been tuned in to that comment, too!
Ok, so I need to find him a RED SUV!!!! NOW! (and cheap, haha!)
flipping back through here when I should be working! came across your comment, Rotzz:
Quote: ." How much harder is it for him to chop wood like a maniac all day long?
I have to laugh, though, It's a real "me tarzan, you jane" kind of thing, but H LOOKED GOOD SWINGING THAT AXE! If we'd have been alone, I would have interrupted him! I told him that yesterday, he looked kind of mystified and said it didn't make any sense to him, he couldn't see anything sexy about chopping wood, but it sure did bring out the Hot Momma in ME!
I am shocked at how frightened I am...for months I've dreamed of the day he might tell me he wasnt seeing her, it happened, and now I'm scared spitless. I am afraid to believe him, because it would hurt worse to have my hopes dashed again. I'm afraid I will do something wrong and send him running right back to her.... I'm afraid he will go back even if I do everything right....
Has anybody else felt like this? How do I get past it so I can get on with what I need to do?
Find him that red SUV. Not sure if it works out in your area, but cars.com is where I find my vehicles.
Maybe he doesn't view himself as sexy... Make him see how sexy he is.
You are really doing fine, just practice breathing or taking a walk when your emotions get the better of you. You will not push him closer to her because that is not an option.
Hi Rottzilla, thanks....I posted before I saw your thanks so the order doesnt make much sense. I guess I need to look/think back to how cold and distant things were between us last year at this time, even last summer/early fall, to help me keep my head on straight. They really are much warmer and closer and friendlier and more fun now, so there has to be big progress. Like the book says, its' just hard to see sometimes. I'm thinking it is a babystep that is maybe outside of my goals....it has to be a positive though. H is starting to joke around with me a little bit. We have this springer spaniel that is known as our 3rd kid....the dog is so jealous, he will literally try to push me away from H....this morning when I was getting out of the shower, he told the dog "I need you to protect me from that woman, you have to keep her away from me, I think she's going to do something naughty"....then H gave me a little hug and laughed as the dog ran to get between us. There was a day, not so long ago, when he never smiled around me and obviously wanted to be away from me, let alone laughing....so I gotta journal this one too! I remember how I used to long to hear him laugh and joke. Come to think of it he did some of that Sunday night as well.
