I had a good talk with a friend of mine this morning over breakfast. She knows about 10% of what is going on and she thinks H leaving for a 6 month job is a great thing, and she can't believe I am sad about it. She said "Let him go! Let him figure his sh!t out without you having to worry about every word you say. You are going to feel such a relief when he is out of the house." Then she offered to hang out and "party" with me anytime (her H is away too) as long as we are home by 9 pm to go to bed. LOL- this is my kind of schedule.
I also told her I didn't think I got the job and she said she doesn't think anyone who takes one look at me would hire me because I look like I am about to collapse from exhaustion. Gotta love good friends who don't pull any punches.
Also on my way into and then again out of S's IC appointment, I saw a very old couple helping each other out of the car, and then back in, looked like they were going to a medical appointment. I thought they were very sweet, slow moving, the H had a walker, they were really taking care of each other and it broke my heart a little thinking about - oddly enough- H going to appointments alone as an old man. I guess I just assume if he leaves me I will find a new husband because I sure loved being married and will seek out a relationship again if he leaves. And then I thought, their appointment is probably for MC and he probably just got caught cheating with a nurse's assistant. One or the other of them is probably posting on here and I'd have no idea, although I haven't seen any posters in the 80-90 year old range.
Had a great night with my boys, first a "jam" session with their piano and guitar, then wrestling with them, they are little but freakishly strong, and now everyone is reading before bed. H did his own thing while we were playing, but we were pretty loud and laughing a lot so at least there is that, his choice to miss out on the fun. I need more nights like this with my boys. I had a crappy day, but at least I can end the day feeling like a good mom. My boys must have picked up on my sadness, they have given me more hugs today than probably in the last month combined. I am reminded of what is important. I wish H would be reminded of that too. I love being a family. This is why I am still here, this is what I am fighting for. Not my pride, not some romantic notion, not fear of being alone. I just want to keep my family.
