So, major GAL day for me today. And I had a great time, even if there were a few moments of weakness there and I thought I was going to start crying a couple of times. But I distracted myself and the teary feeling passed.
Other thing I did, a few days ago...I took my W and engagement rings off, for the first time ever in 15 years. I had been thinking about it for a few days and wondering if I should or not. I guess I felt a bit fearful that if I took them off I would somehow lose the connection I had with my H.
But what connection do we have at the moment? None, if I have no idea where he actually is (even what city he's in). And none if we're not even talking (or emailing or texting). And what am I getting from our M at the moment? And what have I been getting from our M for the past 4 or 5 years (as my counsellor pointed out)? I dunno.
Man, it was weird at first. And I felt quite naked and conspicuous too, like everyone would notice.
I do find myself going to play with my rings on my finger at odd moments, and the being a bit surprised that they're not there. But overall, I feel OK about it now.
I have another couple of GAL things planned for later in the week - one big and one small.
I'm encouraged by just how much I'm getting back from GAL. It's definitely worth the (sometimes huge) effort it takes. And I feel excited that I can just pick stuff I like doing and stuff I've always wanted to do as well, without having anyone to explain it to, or anyone to answer to.
I do realise that things are probably pretty straight forward for me at the moment. My H has dropped off the edge of the world, so I don't have him to deal with, and any of the stuff he might say either. I guess I should try and make the most of this period of time, this period of peace and quiet? Things might not always be quite so straight forward.
