About your wife being damaged by her parent's D... I was 30 when my dad apparently lost his mind and left my mother. An adult, and the entire event broke something in me. My H was 5 when his parents D and he acknowledges the damage. I was married to H when my parents divorced, and he SAW the heartbreak it caused.
We both wanted better for our kids, but all he talks about now is how it's "his turn to be happy" - "when does he get to be happy?"
I would never have married this man if I even thought this was a possibility. I begged him, for the sake of our kids, to reconsider. Now, he says they'll be fine. WTF? Do the WAS take a pill or something that makes them forget their promises?
I will never truly understand. I try to, reading up on MLC, but how does a person, as a parent, do that to their children?
My Mom divorced my Dad out of the blue when I was pregnant with S4. It broke me and my relationship with my Mom for 5 years. My Mom won't even be in the same room as my Dad. They were married 26 years and she won't even look at him. She is a WAW. Our relationship is mended now after therapy. It baffles me how H can live through that with me and think it won't effect S4.
Me:33 H:36 T:13 years M:10 years S4 Separated 05/15 H Filed 06/15
I think they live on another planet and that their needs are first meet above common sense.
Shotgun my kids seem to be fine. School didn't notice any change. To be fair ah was hardly at home, so they don't really know better! Sad really, but he is doing a good job, seeing them regularly.
Ancaire it seems as if we live in a throw away society and the minute something loses it's luster it is thrown on the scrap heap instead of being polished and returned to is't former glory. Even a lot of relationship experts will place more importance on the happiness of each partner above the happiness of the family. The family is no longer considered a unit but a union of personalities independently searching for happiness. I'm sorry for the turmoil that you are embroiled in and I hope that you can focus on making yourself as fit, educated and healthy as possible.
WhyUs, welcome to the club!
ep0215 I think it is interesting that your mom will not look at your dad. My in-laws are the same. Rouky and I have talked about our spouse being unable to look us in the eye. Maybe there will be an expert weigh in on this subject.
Rouky I am glad that your kids seem OK. I know that you have fought for their family and for their innocence. Hang in there and I hope that you have a great week at work. Maybe try to connect with someone to go do something with. I plan to attend a Spanish language class tomorrow night. I've got to do better with GAL.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
My H is unable to look me in the eye. He throws a lot of glares in my direction, but the minute I make eye contact, his focus is elsewhere. He says he hates to look at me. I suspect that is true. I probably remind him of what a low-down piece of crap he is without even having to say a word.
Ancaire I remember when I was a child and I had done something wrong I couldn't look my parents or the teacher in the eyes. It is the only analogy that I can draw from. They know what they are doing is wrong but can't stop their behavior. We must however remain focused on ourselves as that is the only person who we can control.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Shotgun, your words ring true. I've experienced great personal growth today (all documented on my thread) and have managed to release the majority of the anger you see reflected above. I'm so happy about that. I feel so much better.
I would never have married this man if I even thought this was a possibility. I begged him, for the sake of our kids, to reconsider. Now, he says they'll be fine. WTF? Do the WAS take a pill or something that makes them forget their promises?
I have thought the same thing. My W is convinced that divorce will not affect the children. And when I mean convinced, she feels that they won't be affected at all. Just recently she talked about kids are resilient when mentioning her upcoming move to the new base in a month - one where we aren't going. I can't help but think she was also trying to suggest that the same thing would apply to a divorce situation.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
