Still riding the waves

[HaWho]

Hi Mleigh, LouR and BrightFuture - interesting posts.

I too have thought quite a bit about balancing setting boundaries vs. keeping the door open. I think this is where AJ's advice about being ready to die on a hill comes into place.

For example, when H (in thick fog) asked me point blank to let him cake eat with an open marriage. Ahh--great memories those were--lol! That was a no-brainer for me. I was ready to die on that hill. I said no and if he walked, well, I didn't really "lose" anything. What would I really "have" in this crazy situation, after all?

Let's say the situation is a little more grey, like yours. You still have to be ready to die on that hill. Right? I think anytime you set a boundary you need to be okay with this concept.

Now, instead of looking at setting boundaries as potentially "closing a door" I kind of think of them as leading H down hallways toward my personal open door. First, I need to be sure I am making a boundary where I can die on that hill. If he leaves because I set MY boundary FOR ME, I NEED to be okay with that/die on that hill. He has his choices and free will. But if he wants to be with me, my boundary is kind of showing him in which direction the open door is. If he turns around, I haven't really "lost" anything as I didn't want what was already there.

Ehhh, just another perspective.