None. He has come over and spent the night. They have only spent the night at his place twice.
Well, there you go. Tell him this doesn't work for you. He doesn't get to parent a couple of evenings, while you deal with them alone the rest of the time. You are letting him do you and the kids dirty. Do you know how you are letting him?
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I called him yesterday because my S 16 was having a bad day and told me he wanted to move back to Cali.
So why on earth did you call your sorry H? He doesn't care that you are having a bad day or that S16 is upset. If you didn't have a H, how would you deal with your son? Do you think this will somehow make your H come back to the M?
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I then reacted and he hung up on me...cue the texts...ughhhh why is this so hard?!
Why? Frankly, b/c you are behaving as if you are some spineless, weak female that depends on a man to do all her thinking, disciplining the kids, and rescuing her when she's having a bad day.
Stop crying and begging him. Stop letting him spend the night, while he isn't committed to a M with you! Stop reacting when he doesn't fall for one of your damsel in distress moments. Stand up and be the woman you were meant to be. Have some spunk! You can get him back, but this certainly is not the way.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I thought I was doing really good. He was very cold for the first months. I stopped calling. He would call for the boys. We would fight when he came. I thought since I backed off and he was reaching out asking to spend the night...I was on the right track. I usually do not call. You are right that was a major damsel in distress move. Help I am so lost
Are you trying to follow the 37 rules? Have you thoroughly read the DB detaching, and about boundaries?
Does your H have a place of his own, or is staying with someone else?
Don't give up. Stay with us. You have a lot to learn and a lot of work ahead of you. You'll get much support here. Some of our people are wonderful encouragers. I'm pretty direct in what I say, but I'll help you if I can, or direct you to other sources that might be beneficial.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
There is much that can be done! Being the best woman and mom you can be is the best place to start. Acting as if things are good will help your positive mental attitude and it is contagious with your kids.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial, especially regarding when he want to come over. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
