Sotto sotto voce

[BrightFuture]

On the workshop, they encourage you to see yourself as 'now single' - because many divorced/separated people 'still feel married.'

This is interesting. I thought that I was a rare species, LOL.

I must admit that - although I've done plenty to build a new life just for me - there is still a soft core of me that feels married. This is something to work on more I think. That balance of choosing to stand for the marriage - but also detached and gratefully accepting the outcome of D if that is what ultimately happens. It just feels like a difficult balance and I'm not really there yet.

I feel that in a practical sense, I can do so many things. And have done them. And I know I've come a long way. It just seems to take a while for the emotions to catch up - like strands caught on something and don't want to let go. Rational me really wants to let go....but there is some inner conflict there.

You just described exactly how I feel. I get angry with myself once in a while too, for not being able to move past this attachment that I still have to H and to our history together.

I had a mini-exchange with H this week by email. I updated him on something and he took 48 hours to respond - but with a pleasant email - lots of thank you's and hopes I'm well. It's weird that our exchanges are so pleasant, given all that has passed. We truly are like distant colleagues....should I change it up a bit? I don't know...

This is so similar to my story. At some point in my sitch H’s e-mails and texts changed from being dry, indifferent and point out rude, to nice and pleasant. Occasionally I still get the “dry” texts, and then I wonder if I did something to upset him. But I think this correlates with his moods. I think he is trying to be pleasant for whatever reason (still don’t know what to make of it), but sometimes just cannot help it, which makes me think that not everything is rosy in the Wonderland.

I don’t know if I can answer your question whether you should change it a bit. I’m still trying to figure it out myself. In my case, I was told (I also think this) that my H is very slow MLCer, so I’m just waiting it out, sort of. I’m not trying to engage or test him, I feel that this is not the time yet. But, in DB book Michele advices you to try new things if things are not working, or if there is no change in situation. It is up to you. I would be careful though. If you feel that he is not ready for this, don't do it.

Keep on keeping on!