So many good men on this board, so many unselfish, strong, loving, men who care about their families. You all give me hope. I am at a low point. Not seeing much positive to cling to, but then there are all of you out there, holding your heads up, doing what needs to be done, all in the name of love and in the best interests of your families. Thank you Ghost, Uphill, Azzork. You give me hope.
Pho, you made me blush! You and many other women on here do the same for me. Make me realize that there are still some out there who are willing to go through h*ll to make thier relationship work! I wish none of us were here but if we are gonna go through this, I couldn't image a better group of people to do it with!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I thank you for all you have done for me the support you have given I really wish I had answers all I seem to do is screw things up.
If I have learnt one thing then that is everyone has the right to live their life the way that they see fit if my W decided that she wanted to spend more time with another man then as much as I would not like this to happen I cannot make her not want to do this she will live her life the way that she wants to and I cannot dictate to her what she should or should not do.
I can only show my wife the love that she would want to stay right with me.
I truley love her and I do not know if I could ever love another the same I do not know if I want to or even if I should try to
I am slowly starting to understand about detaching I am not sure getting a life is for me I tried it meeting up with new people just seemed strange took me right side my comfort zone
I have a basic life I really do all I ever wanted to do was
Get married Have a family Work and provide the best that I could Have a bit of me time Spend time with my W ...[censored] I wish I had dome more of this Leave enough money for,the kids,
My dreams have been turned upside down.
Everybody aspires to be the 2.0 version of them self be a better person why did I not realise what it would be like before this happend,
Hindsight is such a great thing
Back to codependent no more it is making a lot of sence no need to worry I cannot control it
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Ghost, I like the basic life too. I am head over heels in love with my H, despite the way he has treated me in the last year, all I want is him. However, I am quite confident, that if he should walk away from me and actually file for D, I could love again and I will. I am not done being loved or giving love in this life. I know I am not. I am not talking about dating a week after the D is filed, but I do know that my love life is not over.
And yes, as Azzork said, knock out the days one at a time. I am struggling so much lately. Ups and downs, I am in a big down. It is late here in my corner of the world, just another hour or so and I've got one more day knocked out. One more bad day too, so that is good, because you know those can't be avoided but need to be walked through.
I'm impressed with your turnaround this week. You ARE making progress. It's tough buddy, and you might not notice what is changing about you, but I can see you're a good man who is making a good stab at trying to make this work. We've got your back!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
I'm so happy the book is making sense to you. It helped me a lot, too. I was surprised to discover that I really am awful at asking for what I need. I was a manipulator! I would hint, sigh, dance all the way around a subject...for fear of being told "no", I guess.
What is so very wrong with, "Can you take out the trash?" Too easy, I guess. For me, it was an ordeal:
Me: "Wow. The trash can is really full." Sigh. (Offer to take it out, H.) H: "Yes, it is." (Here we go again. Why won't she just ask?) Me: "I'm not sure I can fit anything else in there." (Offer to take the trash out, H.) H: Sigh. (She needs to ask!) "I think if you push down on the top of the pile, you can make some more room in there." Me: Huff. Sigh. (Why won't he offer to take it out?) "I pushed it down a while ago. I think it's really full now." H: (This will get her going.) "Did you use a pan or something, to really smoosh it down?" (Keeps straight face.) Me: "Screw you, H! I guess I'll be the man around here and take out the trash!" H: (Like taking candy from a baby. Quiet snicker.) "Ok. You do that."
I learned some good stuff reading that book. I'm so proud of you, G.
