Pho, I completely relate. I'm experiencing the same. It's a bit of depression which is very normal. For me the keys to battling it are gratitude, journaling my prayers, exercise and trying to stay in the present. Even king David took to his bed bad cried out to God. Together you and God have this!
Me53 H48 M 13 No children together BDMay '15 PA June '15 H moves out,files 8/15 wants "quick divorce" but does nothing Me sending proposal 12/15, court dates upcoming
Pho...you do so much for everyone, with very little thanks or even acknowledgement in return. Not only that, you do it everyday of the week. H might be coming around a bit, but he's hardly helpful. Your in-laws...well, let's just leave it at toxic. I don't think you're at your breaking point. I think you're tired and need a good cry. What's wrong with that? I still do it a lot, and I'm finally reaching the point that I feel better afterwards.
Can you take some time today and just have a good cry? Pray? With your life, I imagine it's hard to do - but as your friend, I encourage you to just go for it. I think you're exhausted being the rock for everyone else all the time. Spend some time leaning on God today, and recharge.
Pho you have a lot to handle and you are doing great.Release some of the pressure you are under and you will realize you are not breaking. I willnot belittle your problems but I think you can get through this without breaking down.
Focus on the good stuff. What are you grateful for? What do you appreciate in your life? There is a lot more than we think. Focus on what you have and nit what is missing.It helps.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Thank you Roiste, Anc, Becky. I just decided to set my alarm for 40 minutes and take a nap. Walked into my room and found my dog peeing on my bed. On my side of the bed! The hits just keep coming. I am going to nap in S9's bed. Now I am really crying, its just like the universe is taunting me now.
V, he will get the wet side all right! Its been drying for the last few hours, but how do you get pee out of a tempurpedic mattress?
Took S11 to his therapist, and had a good talk with the therapist about D. He recommends a "new" treatment for her, has seen amazing progress with neurological issues with a practitioner who does brain acupressure. He said it "resets" the neurology and he doesn't know how it works but he just started his own son in it and is already seeing progress. It is painless, nonintrusive, holistic- I like it! Maybe sign up H as well as there is obviously some screws loose.
I had a good talk with a friend of mine this morning over breakfast. She knows about 10% of what is going on and she thinks H leaving for a 6 month job is a great thing, and she can't believe I am sad about it. She said "Let him go! Let him figure his sh!t out without you having to worry about every word you say. You are going to feel such a relief when he is out of the house." Then she offered to hang out and "party" with me anytime (her H is away too) as long as we are home by 9 pm to go to bed. LOL- this is my kind of schedule.
I also told her I didn't think I got the job and she said she doesn't think anyone who takes one look at me would hire me because I look like I am about to collapse from exhaustion. Gotta love good friends who don't pull any punches.
Also on my way into and then again out of S's IC appointment, I saw a very old couple helping each other out of the car, and then back in, looked like they were going to a medical appointment. I thought they were very sweet, slow moving, the H had a walker, they were really taking care of each other and it broke my heart a little thinking about - oddly enough- H going to appointments alone as an old man. I guess I just assume if he leaves me I will find a new husband because I sure loved being married and will seek out a relationship again if he leaves. And then I thought, their appointment is probably for MC and he probably just got caught cheating with a nurse's assistant. One or the other of them is probably posting on here and I'd have no idea, although I haven't seen any posters in the 80-90 year old range.
Had a great night with my boys, first a "jam" session with their piano and guitar, then wrestling with them, they are little but freakishly strong, and now everyone is reading before bed. H did his own thing while we were playing, but we were pretty loud and laughing a lot so at least there is that, his choice to miss out on the fun. I need more nights like this with my boys. I had a crappy day, but at least I can end the day feeling like a good mom. My boys must have picked up on my sadness, they have given me more hugs today than probably in the last month combined. I am reminded of what is important. I wish H would be reminded of that too. I love being a family. This is why I am still here, this is what I am fighting for. Not my pride, not some romantic notion, not fear of being alone. I just want to keep my family.
pho - It is the noblest of reasons. I understand exactly where you are coming from. I watched Inside Out last night with the kids. A lot of the movie is about reactions of the parents acting together. Furthermore, the chasing, the wrestling, tickling, joking, laughing, interaction I have with my kids now lacks a mother component. Keep your chin up. Keep on keeping on.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
