Thanks roiste! I know that when you type to me it comes from a.place of caring, so I don't see judgement there.
I know I am not done yet, there are days when the it seem like a path that might not be a bad idea...others it is inconcievable.
This weekend we dropped kids and dog at my folks house and went out to the quad cities for Darius Rucker and David nail concert.
What.am amazing time. You could tell she was trying to be engaging. I could honestly say it was just awesome. She had gone out and gotten a new outfit (taking large input of what she knows I like) we had drinks and dinner, watched part of the Hawkeyes football game, watched the sunset on the Mississippi river. Enjoyed the hell out of the concert. Lots and lots of kissing, hugging, hand holding, laughter...it was wonderful.
After show both just wrecked tired so we went back to 5he hotel and fell asleep pretty quick. I had zero expectations for sex (seems like when I think it would be a good time...never happens). When we got up in the am, I rubbed her hip, one rhing let to another and well, we had some very good sex.
After thathat we got out stuff ready and headed back to town to get the kids. I tried to keep that whole excitement and closeNess going, but it was gone.
Where am I going here. Did she try, yes. Does she love me stull, i really believe so. Was the weekend amazing, yes. It was...but this is the exception. It showed me like so many confusing times over the last year, what our marriage could be. I just done think she is capable of being that engaged for very long and that is sad.
Not to get into too much with the issues, but I think that I still have a lot to think about on what to do. I am not willing to thow it all away. On the other hand of the conversatuon, I really do not like the periods in between the engaged / affectionate / open woman and the closed off one. While she pulls back, I have learned nothing I do will draw her closer. She needs to be.
