I know. Hardest thing, ever. Your H is beyond reach. I'm not sure if HE even understands himself. I know you won't be able to make sense of him. The only way you're going to remain sane is to let him go. Not your problem. I'm not sure how else to help you, hon. I can offer sympathy and support - which I do, freely. But your H is wayward, thus no sense can be made of his actions.
Just take a deep breath and surrender him to God. Just love yourself and your babies. I'm so sorry.
