You are doing fantastically well, its not easy to take over responsibility for everything on your own and become independant, your figuring it out and getting really good at it, well done you!
As for pushing h away - I feel that's kinda the point, he will come to see that you don't need him ....that is not the same as you saying you don't want him .... he knows you want him, you have told him, so you can leave this one alone now, however the needing him, that takes a bit longer for you to get to grips with and for him to realise that its no longer the case.
