Thank you for your kind words on my thread. I appreciate them, I really do. You have no idea.
Your posts and your situation touch my soul also. We have similar coping strategies.
I have felt extremely challenged by the need to acknowledge and accept that I pushed away good men, who loved me, I pushed them away because I held some ideal of what love looked and felt like, what a relationship should be and feel like. That I made very lovely men unhappy.
My feeling about my own journey is that before I could make any movement to what I really wanted (which is a loving and committment, real relationship) that I had to forgive myself for what I felt I did wrong in all my other relationships.
Self love is an expression of forgiving the self for not being perfect.
Iylana Van Sant, states "when you know better, you do better".
Forgive yourself that you didn't know how to do it any better than you did. Forgive yourself that you happen to make the man you love unhappy (this may or may not be true btw) . It is only from here can you truly experience your whole self and invite a loving man into your life, including H.
Lady V talks about atoning to yourself. V has written about it frequently and very recently too. (I will need to search whose thread this was on - but it was a great.) There is purpose in making ourselves accountable for actions that have done harm to ourselves. But atoning is a kind gesture to self. It is a loving gesture to yourself to move yourself forward. Atoning is done from a place of grace and kindness. It is done without guilt or shame. I am still learning. I am a novice.
Please do not morn that you forgot your fun loving, uninhibited and carefree self. It is likely the opposite self served her purpose too. Don't be sad that you lost her, be excited that you have rediscovered her.
