Wow, mind is blown 10

[Uphill]

Up until this past Monday, I was as dark as I can make possible with custody and daycare arrangements. I am still forces to see her a few times a week and not a day goes by that I don't call S4 and wish him goodnight when he is with her. I guess what I'm saying is I still had contact but strictly kid stuff. Then this past week we booth opened up for a few days. Really opened up.

I guess where I'm at now, I don't want to save this. It's fresh so who knows but I feel like less and less of a man every time I move the line I drew. I'm truely looking to move on with my life. I'm not saying that I'm running around looking for somebody, but I will not stop anything from happening as I have in the past. There is no doubt that in these last 5 months since XF moved out, that I could have pursued many women who had come onto me. I stopped every one in thier tracks, because I knew where my heart was. Now my heart is free. XF has done so much damage, it would be tough to let her back into my walls. There again, this is all fresh and who knows what tomorrow brings. But that is how I feel now.