less confused newbie 8

[dday]

Sandi. Thanks for checking in. I have a question for you, or anyone else that has navigated this path. How do I show her that I don't want to be just friends? I want a W, not a friend. I am not happy with the current dynamic. A month ago, we were barely talking and it was tense and I was unable to conceal my emotions. Now, I am able to portray some confidence, and W and I talk like we did when I thought we were working on us this spring and summer.

BUT, I am not satisfied if it stays Here for long. She has the best of both worlds. I am her H when it helps her, but without emotional or physical intimacy returned to me. I am not detached from W nearly enough. I have been trying and have even found a different prayer to use. Asking for God to point me in the right direction, not necessarily what I want. I do know now that I will be ok, no matter what. I didn't feel that way even a couple weeks ago.

So, things have changed with us. Is it for the better? Is it healthy? Is she using me, manipulating me? Not really sure. I am sure that I am not ok with this being the new normal. If this is a step towards r, then hell yeah! If this is where she wants to park us, hell no.