Parents: help me parenting while separated (2)

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I will start this post by sending my thoughts and prayers to the French people and especially the Parisians.

Two days ago I did something I though I would never do.
I went to my STBXW's new flat.
I had told myself I would never do it. Not because of some boundary I had established but because the place my STBXW had moved to represented the dissolution of our family home (besides one that I am paying).
Anyway, we had some serious talk to do because we have not had a serious conversation since she left home. Also, I had to return a cooking robot I had asked from her and some kids clothes I had washed.
We had no place to go since we needed some privacy while still keeping an eye on the kids.
Therefore, when I told her I would show up at her flat she was a bit surprised.

My kids were thrilled to see me there. S9 went to the fridge and offered me an yoghurt already with the spoon in. S7 showed me his room and did not let me leave before finishing his homework. S9 also wanted help with his homework.

I then went to the kitchen to talk to STBXW. She was preparing dinner and asked if I would join then. I politely refused. S9 showed up with a book and said that after dinner he would read for both of us (he has difficulties reading and knows this is an skill both parents enjoy watching him performing). He was terribly disappointed when he found out I would not be staying. He said: "But I wanted to read for both of you."

STBXW started talking: She was very upset and concerned. S9 had asked her some days before why had she left me. S9 also said she was guilty for leaving me. S9 finally said she was not strong enough to stay with me.
STBXW got irritated with me, thinking that I had indoctrinated S9 against her. She said S9 could suffer as an adult and that S9's attitude could jeopardize his future relationship with women.
STBXW said S9 should show his own pain and not be projecting my own one.
I tried to active listen by asking questions, repeating information and validating.
Then I explained her that S7 had been showing exactly the same rejection towards me every time the kids stayed with me.
STBXW was immensely surprised by this and rapidly accepted that I had not been negatively influencing S9 against her.

The conversation was polite and civilized.
I was amazed at S9 observations and conclusions.
I felt a mix of emotions by being at that flat. I felt aversion for being at a place that should not be my kids home. I was sad to see the kids joy by having me there and not being able to give back. I was angry at STBXW for destroying my family. But I was pleased for having put the need of talking about the kids above my aversion to that place.