Cadet- I finished watching through Season 5 and I am waiting for Season 6 on Netflix which is supposed to be out next month. I am eagerly waiting for it!
V- I went to family counseling alone last week. It was interesting. The counselor wants me to put D in residential treatment, without even meeting her. She did have all of our old records from D's hospitalization program in the spring. The counselors (there were 2 of them) were very much "on my side" and that was encouraging since I feel like H has been given a pass by our MC all this time, but the reality is that being "right" isn't going to get me anywhere.
The counselors believe that the problem stems from me having no voice in the marriage. H either withdraws from me or has a huge emotional outburst if we disagree, which over the years has lead me to STFU. So yes, I have no voice. But H probably feels the same way about me- not the withdrawal part, but he thinks I have had the emotional outbursts. Basically we were not listening to each other. The counselor thinks D observed this dynamic as a baby, became angry with H and opposed him, clung to me but also resented me for not standing up for myself. So now she has no respect for either of us, and no attachment to H. I see that maybe that was a part of the dynamic, but really D has neurological and emotional issues that would have worn anyone out, and over the years the stress of her issues brought out the worst in us.
I have often said, and still believe, that one of hardest parts of having a special needs child is that the demands highlight your weaknesses as parents, but your strengths get overlooked if the child's problems are not resolved. People, including family members, are so quick to judge and to blame the parents, especially the mother, for any problems with the child. As I am writing this, it is becoming clear to me that if we pursue family therapy that we need a therapist who is familiar with the demands of parenting special needs children.
I am also overwhelmed with therapy- between 2 children in IC, me in IC, H in IC, and MC and now family therapy, that is a lot. A lot of therapists in the mix, all with their own theories and strategies. Its too much.
