Hi Rotzilla, keep giving my angel those karate lessons, would you? I'm gonna go try to find your thread in a minute..I had it and think I've lost it here lately.
Your comment to pull him close, now is the time I can make it work hit home this morning after some things yesterday evening. For sometime I've felt like he's coming much closer emotionally, inspite of the fact that he goes back to/keeps on w/OW; I've been afraid to trust my instincts, thinking that it's just my longing clouding my perception, but now I'm thinking maybe they're pretty accurate.
D22 is home on spring break, knows about this stuff (knew last summer before I did), and has been really angry at her dad. Like her brother, she's a very observant, bright and intuitive kid who never misses much. Last night I asked for her "take" on the sitch, which made her unhappy, and of course really isn't fair. She commented that she wasnt around enough to really know and I told her that I just needed her impressions because it's so hard for me to be objective when my nose is in it day in and day out. I asked her 3 questions & her responses were interesting: 1) Does your Dad seem different to you? her answer was "he's nicer than he's been for years and years"; 2) Do you think he seems happier? Her answer was yes, but I think he still has personal and depression issues that have nothing to do with you that won't go away until he deals with them himself; 3) Do you think he seems warmer towards me? Her answer was "yes, much".
I mentioned how frustrating it is to try to wait all this stuff out but that I keep believing we can come out on the other side, that I don't feel like he really wants to/will leave. She said it looks to her like he's got himself into a big mess that he has no clue how to get out of, because he's so clueless about women...and that it's getting worse and worse.
I just found her perceptions interesting, probably because they pretty much confirm mine. We havent discussed this for several months. She hasnt been home since x-mas break, and as I look back, that's about when I began to sense this "shift" in his attitude, when he started to become warmer and more open. So maybe my instincts aren't totally off base.
Yesterday evening, H lit a fire in the fireplace, which he had emailed me at work that he would do for me when I complained how cold my office was (I found that sweet), and then went to do his workout. H & D have been very distant and strained since this all began, but H came and sat in the living room where the kids & I were talking when he was finished. I saw this as a really positive sign that he's even making an effort to be closer with her....he used to be almost hateful to her in kind of a defensive posture over this whole thing.
It's still confusing to me though...And leaves a big question in my mind? Do people who are leaving their families to go to OP act like this? I'm sure I've read of them going through an "emotional divorce" ( I would say we were probably there last spring/summer, honestly), and it would seem to me they would be using every excuse and opportunity to distance themselves (it feels like he's done that and come back as well). Any thoughts on this?
