Quote: I have a hard time understanding this, because I know how deeply committed I am to making this better and it seems to me he should be able to see it.
Making assumptions like this is not going to work in your favor, regardless of the nature of your thought pattern. He's not seeing your M from the same perspective as you; therefore, he is entitled to feel however he feels as much as you don't enjoy this.
Do you see how this creeping thought is getting in your way?
I feared a lot of things: neither one of us changing, him not opening up to me with the truth, living the rest of our days in a roommate existence.
Remember, I'm the one who was LBS, so I can't say for sure what your H is thinking. But since you brought it up, I'll share something with you that our MC shared with us last summer.
Mr. W. was ranting about me not getting over something that happened a long time ago. He was pretty pissed about it. The transgression was pretty big, and I hadn't forgiven him for it (I have now safely crossed that one off my list forever).
Our MC said to him, "Mr. W., you cannot dictate to her when you think she should be over something. That is for her to work with, and if she says she will try, you are just going to have to accept her word as truth and be patient. She will get over it when she's finished with the processing, and this is not on your timetable. Leave it be."
Well, I had to hear the same statement about something I felt he should have processed and discarded.
About the OW and how this advice pertains to you:
Don't spend another minute analyzing this stuff. He may be working through this and will eventually reach some conclusions that are totally his own if you don't put words into his mouth that aren't his.
Just keep DOING. Do more of what you're doing that has changed you. It's going to take a long time for him to believe that the changes are permanent and you've changed. In the meantime, he's going to have to decide whether or not he's in this M with you or not.
Give him the time and space and things will eventually make themselves clear.
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
