Answer to: "why didn't you hear it from ME?"

[Flight]

I did seem cynical in that post, didn't I? I was questioning a choice I knew I should make but have been avoiding all along. I came to the conclusion that my W has serious character flaws and they are the reason she chose to have an A, and even worse, continued to show horrible behvavior long after. I was enabling her and became just a shell of a man trying to "nice her back to me". I burn my bridge last night.

After her once again trying to "sell" me on her own self-serving idea to basically have an open marriage (let's be separated but keep living in the same house and you let me continue the A), I told her exactly what I have been wanting to tell her. I was not mean or angry, but I had had enough of her telling me how I only put my needs first and wouldn't see "logic". I told her she certainly wasn't putting her husband first when she lied and cheated and caused all this devistation. She certainly wasn't putting her DD first when she was picking out paint for their love nest. So let's not debate whose needs are really coming first here. She can let me buy her out and if none of those options are good enough for her, as nothing in her life has ever been, we sell the house and go our separate ways. I am "done" as she liked to say.

She went even more insane than she normally does. She lost control of me so then tried some of the usual menthods to tweak my fear based responses to get me back in the fold. I did not bite. She went even more bezerk. This is not healthy for me. I have no indication that she will ever look inward at herself or take any responsiblity for her own actions. She acts from a position of entitlement and blaming others. I don't need that in my life and I don't need that as a model for my daughter to grow up emotionally healthy.

W did all the 3 year old tantrum things you would expect. Went on a text tirade, blocked me from chat, called me names... She is now hiding in her room to avoid me since last night. I wonder how long that will last. Not really. I don't care. Did I mention I am done?

I feel sad for her because I know her and I have learned enough about him to feel fairly certain that her life will be destroyed to pursue something that probably sooner than later will be her rock bottom. He is insecure and controlling and shows very poor judgement and lack of impulse control. He left his second wife and got an apartment near us thinking she was going to move in right away. They already had a fight the first month of the EA that he had to apologize for. I am not sure who is going to hurt who first, but it would be interesting if it was she that gets hurt this time and has to face throwing everything away for her last chance at "true love" only to be left with the hard, cold consequences of her choices. Merry Christmas!