Inspiring updates

[Sotto]

BD for Tarheel was early 2013 and he started DBing in 1.14. His W has just said she plans to file for D...

Wow, almost 5 mos since I last posted. Felt I owed an update to everyone that helped me along this journey...

W and I haven't really communicated much for the past several mos. All our communication is via email and it's usually about the kids' schedules. I just reached a point where I was done trying to converse with her. It wasn't worth the energy/time when I felt like I was the only one trying to salvage our M and even a friendship. She'd tell me she wanted to be friends, but I honestly don't recall one simple 'hey Tarheel, how's it going?' call/text/email in the past 2 yrs. Her attitude really hasn't changed- any hint of R talk and she shuts down or avoids the topic.

I won't go play by play on our interactions over the last several mos, but in short, our cycle continued. We'd start talking about D, then one of us would soften and ask 'what if' type questions, only to by followed by more radio silence. Anyway, we were set to meet up a couple weeks ago to discuss our options, but W rescheduled 3 different times. Mostly at the last minute. We finally met last night. We both agreed that it's a difficult decision to make and that it's hard to say we're 100% 'done'. I eventually got out of her that deep down, she feels like she needs to just end things. She admitted that her delay has been in part to her inability to take action without being 'pushed'. I did my best not to try to sway her decision or change her mind.

I had sent a dissolution finance proposal about a month ago. She's supposed to be reviewing and getting back to me with a timeline, but going by past history, I'm sure I'll need to 'push' her along to take action. I'm not devastated. I'm not angry. I'm mainly disappointed. I told her last night that I don't think we were ever on the same page at the same time about actually trying to save our M. I guess my biggest frustration is that I feel she never did 'try' these past 2 yrs, although I understand she struggled with these feelings way before I was aware of them.

So we'll see what happens these next few weeks- whether she actually pushes forward or it's more of the same. It's still fresh, so I'm not sure if I'll help push or just sit back. Suppose I have no reason to push unless I saw a potential R with someone else....

W wants us to be able to sit together at kids' activities, be able to call each other up with schedule changes, etc, but I told her that was not how I saw it playing out. Right or wrong, I feel that for me to fully move on and heal, I need to stick to only necessary contact with her. Maybe in time that changes, but she hasn't acted like my friend in 2 yrs- why would a D suddenly change that?

As far as my GAL- I'm keeping busy getting together with different groups of friends and doing things I didn't used to do. It's amazing how different my attitude towards others and life in general has become. I don't let emotions control me anymore. I've become so much more confident in myself. I've become a better person. The kids look to me as the 'responsible' parent. I'm much more outgoing and am not shy about approaching women. I have not dated (don't feel it's fair to anyone involved), but I do have a friend who's been wanting to set me up with one of her co workers.

This forum, and all those that provided their input, played a big part in where I am today. For that, I can't thank you guys and gals enough. I learned so much from not only my thread, but others as well. I look back at the Tarheel that first posted and cringe at the things I said and did. Like most newbies, I felt like my world had ended. Things would never get better. I needed to do things my way because only I knew my W. I could 'nice' her back. I was wrong- I wish I would have been more confident and stood up for myself from day 1 (even if I was faking it). In honesty, I think I would have stood a better chance at saving my M. But I've grown, and that's what I've tried to view this as- a growing experience. Thank you to all that read, comment and dedicate your time to helping others! And newbies- it gets better, I promise!
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Me: 38 W: 35
M: 15 years
3 Kids- S15, S12, D10
1st BD- 2/2013 / 2nd BD- 9/25/2013
Separation Began- 10/2013
W 'tries' 8/21- 10/9/14
W says she's filing 2/9/15