Inspiring updates

[Sotto]

Gogofo has been DBing since 1.14. Soon after D, his XW turned back towards him and they are now working on their R again...

Things have changed since going dark.

The XW invited me to lunch on Monday, I declined.

Tuesday morning she called me to ask some random question and then asked if we could talk when she dropped the boys off, I said okay.

The talk... I will try and paraphrase.

She is struggling with closure after the D. She has tried many things to get over our M and deal with the D, but nothing helps. She over schedules herself to stay busy, travels, does things with family, etc, but nothing was working. She said her IC suggested she ask me about getting closure.

I asked what she was looking for or what closure meant to her and she really had no answer. After some more talks I told her my true opinion, that she has a "Gogofo" sized hole in her and that the D was not the answer.

Some talk about issues in the M. I said there were things I would do differently. I ran down to her what I thought happened from the first time she left me all the way through the D.

Had some talk about OM and how that effected us and the M.

I pressed her on some questions. She expressed some of her errors. Can't remember is there was much remorse or not. She is now owning up to feeling like she was having a MLC. I told her she put a lot of her issues on me and that I took a lot of blame for issues that were not because of me. I told her D'ing me was not the solution to her issues and it was BS.

She admitted her to some of her faults and even admitted that she is not the big strong tough independent woman she portrays herself to be. She is actually needy and sometimes weak; I agreed with her.

She talked about missing family times, and how hard holidays and b-days have been and how 6 months later she does not feel better. She talked about how I am the only person in her life that she has ever spent time with and never got bored or sick of me. I told her about re-writing our history when she thought I was the problem in her life and only saw our past as bad.

I did a lot of listening and letting her talk. I got the sense that she was poking around and inquiring about how I felt about her. So I manned up and flat out asked her if she wanted me. She went to explain what she wanted; to feel happy and cared for, etc. When she was finished I asked her is she wanted ME. She stopped and got a little teary-eyed and said yes.

We talked more about fixing what was our M. She said we needed MC before I could say it. I said that I was not going to do it in an open marriage and I told her I wanted to see action from he because she served me with D papers.

Yesterday she send a video of the boys riding bikes and today she sent a snapchat of them at the park. I did not respond to either, I remained dark for my own sanity. I am trying to 180 my over enthusiastic approach I did when trying to reconcile before.

Today when I picked up the kids she approached me again and asked about our talk, speaking in code because the boys were in the room. She said she had been up and down and was wondering why I was not communicating with her. I told her again that I would be open to working on us as long as we had help and it was just us. I said I did not want to be the other man.

This leaves me now with the next step in a possible first time full reconciliation attempt. She is leaving the country on the 25th so I assume we will talk before then. I need to reiterate that I am ready to work on this with a MC and no OM.

I am more nervous and guarded this time because I have clarity and am not in the panic of loosing her that I had when we were still married. It was nice to hear that she is struggling and misses me and wants me, but I want to see and feel it. I am sure I will be guarded for quite some time. We both also agreed that if we do this it needs to be slow.
_________________________
M:34 XW:34
Together: 10y
Living: 9y
Married: 7y
Son:6 Son:4
Separated: 12/28/13
Piecing: 5/2/14
Separated 2nd: 10/16/14
W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14
papers served: 1/27/15
D final: 3/6/15