Bob, none of us can PM. I have no idea why, but we're not allowed to do that. Sandi will likely eventually find your thread, but if I spot her on another thread I'll be happy to let her know you'd like her help.
I can tell you, after reading through your thread, your wife is acting like a typical WAS. Selfish, cold, and self-serving. It's all "me, me, me...what about me?" with them. They all seem to read from the same script, too.
You not inviting her to your birthday celebration is brilliant! She needs to realize what she doesn't get to be part of anymore. Most LBS are too terrified to make a statement like you're doing, so they put up with cake-eating for far too long (voice of experience.)
Acting like she's no longer part of your life, and excluding her from things she would once have been part of is the fastest way to get her attention. Kudos to you! Just be careful to not be a real jerk about it. Strong. Calm. Determined.
Have you read through Sandi's Rules on the Newcomer's front page? Those rules are invaluable. Refer to them daily.
Happy early birthday! I'll check back in on you later.
