Back on these forums again 3

[Mona52]

Well, I just went through a backslide from he||. But I think it is ok. This might be a long post so I will break it down.

I cooked again last night for jerk face. Thin pork chops in my secret seasoning, sauteed green peppers and onions, homemade mashed potatoes and corn. I cant tell you how thrilled I was cooking for him. And I know that anything that makes me feel good HAS to be against the DB rule book.

I texted him this morning to remind him to go pay a bill he had in both our names.

He said he would take care of it, then:

Me: I'm not cooking tonight cuz it is Friday and I'm going out, but you get paid today so you are getting food, right?

Me: If you can't, I will be happy to drop dinner off when i have extra, but I feel stupid forcing it on you. So speak up if you are in the mood for more dinners at work.

H: I going to get food. But ty.

H: I need to ask you a huge favor.

H: I wont be able to survive and stay here in PA paying the amount of support I'm paying. Is there any way you can allow me to pay less a month.

(H has another kid in Maryland with the old OW that he pays support on)

H: I've already petitioned the state of Maryland for a reduction in support

H: Think about it and let me know. I don't want to leave but I will have no choice.

Me: I need time to think about it. It looks like I am being left without a choice, because you are going to quit and move and since you have no job I am completely f(oops, bad word here)ed.

Me: Before i say anything more, I have a feeling that after today we will no longer speak to each other, and that is best. I need you to remember, next Sunday I am going away. D17 will have my hotel information, but the kids will be alone until I get home Tuesday night.

(Dont call children and youth people... My kids are not babies and my mom will be there!)

H: Why will we not talk anymore?

Me: Because you won't like what I am trying so hard not to say meanly. And I am just done. Just answer this, please. How, financially, do you expect your children to live?

H: I understand what you are saying but I also need to survive and if I cant live or eat what do you expect? You have family here, I have no one to lean on. I'm on my own.

H: I dont blame you or anyone for my current situation. I just need to get my feet on the ground so I can get in a position that I can survive.

H: and still be part of their lives.

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I need to stop all readers here, because i am about to offer a solution to his dilemma and you can just keep your 2 x 4's I KNOW IT WAS A BAD IDEA! But for just a second it was so nice to dream it out loud. Yes, I added more months on my journey, fine, whatever...
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Me: I am gonna throw out a suggestion, because leaning on my mom is not possible.

H: I've lost over 40 lbs and am constantly tired and feel sick. I have to change that before I become no good to anyone
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too late... no, i did not say it, just thought it
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H: I'm already starting to get depressed and I dont want to head down that route again

Me: This is not a trick. I promise on my kid's lives I'm not trying to trap you. Just THINK about what I am about to say, because to me, it is our only way out of this mess.

Me: The 5 of us should go back to the f(oops bad word)ing he|| hole of a house on x street. We should pool our paychecks together. With both of our checks, we can easily afford the bills and save money so we can move out. We only need to live together half a year or so, then we can move the right way. We can still proceed with the divorce. You can sleep in S11's room and he can sleep with me.

Me: I dont care if you date, I wont get in your business. It is none of my concern.

H: That is not possible. I have spent every penny I have and borrowed money to the hilt for this apartment. I can't let it go that easily and then have an eviction on my record. It was hard as he|| to get this place as it was.

Me: And if you move to NY, then what?

H: I wont be moving to New York or Florida
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he has family in both
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H: If I go, I will be moving to Puerto Rico

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his mom passed away a year ago and left him a house in PR that he lets his cousin live in now
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H: That is why I'm trying to work things out. So I don't have to go anywhere

H: i'm asking for a reduction, which is why I labeled it a favor

Me: And we come to the part where we no longer speak. I never wanted to say any of this to you. I tried so hard to be nice, because the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings... but

H: Say what you have to say Mona. I'm a big boy I can take it.

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DB book accidentally flies right out the freaking window at this point...
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I will break the post here and start a new one, because I am about to go crazy on jerkface, but not cruel...