In the UK - need help (pt15)

[Huddy]

Hi NDY/Painter

Thanks for feedback. I just don't want to come across as arrogant or condescending.

It has certainly set the hare running though. I came downstairs and her eyes were all puffy and red. She'd obviously been crying. She set off on a conversation about how she didn't see how it was her responsibility to deal with everything. I reminded her that if something is in her name she'd have to deal with it. W then started to list a load of things that she thought I should deal with and then said that I was 'happy' because I had found somewhere to live. 'You don't care about your kids, otherwise you'd have found me a house to live in'. Unbelieveable! I reminded her that the situation was developing because of her actions and that she had to take the consequences.

Then she started laughing uncontrolably. 'It's laughable. You're walking away and you seem to think you can leave your responsibilities behind'. Again, I validated and said anything in my name I would deal with. W then started to list all the furniture/possessions she would be helping herself to (this I'm not concerned about - the kids need a bed) and again tried to tell me how and when I would see the children. I validated again and explained how the legal process would have to kick in, if she continued with this stance. W reminded me of her solicitors views and I said that I would not be taking that advice.

Then came the gold. 'I'm going to review OUR situation in six months time'. Wow, serious control issues here. Again, I validated and said that she didn't control my feelings or actions anymore.

Quite a spirited exchange, but I felt good about it. I was quite upbeat (W interpreted this as me being 'smug' - I don't know if this is just nastiness, or if that's how it came across - worry) and felt really in control. I can see how my actions are now causing her grief, because she really wants me to fall to pieces. She even went with a rope pull 'Who is going to want a 50 year old woman with three kids' - I guess I was suppose to say 'I do', but what I actually said was 'I'm sure somebody will. It's sad that you don't feel attractive'.

I really don't want to come across as smug, but I feel so relaxed right now (god knows why, I'm still having anxiety knightmares). I finally feel I have mastered this stuff. It's only taken eight months, but I finally feel I have actually got down to real DB principles - it feels kinda good!