Hi focus! I've just caught up on your thread. You figured out early on that you needed to drop the rope. Good for you! However, it is so much more easily said than done, right? I used to wonder whether my H was MLC or WAS. In the end, it really doesn't matter. H is gone, lost to whatever impulse is driving him. I so desperately wanted to "save" my H from his bad decisions. I almost ruined myself instead.
What I've learned is there is really nothing you can do once OW is involved. Nothing for H. There is plenty you can do for yourself. It is everything you do for yourself that will matter in the long run, whether H comes to his senses or not. By choosing to focus on you, you grow as a person, you become strong enough to deal with whatever may come, and you reach a point a calmness.
You will radiate serenity and calmness, thus there is no need to worry about what H has to say about you to people at work. They will observe you, working and going about with dignity and integrity; they will observe H, clearly making bad decisions and gossiping like a teenager. Why say anything at all? Actions speak way louder than words.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. It's absolutely awful, isn't it?
