Weeding and watering

[mustardseed]

So what can I do today?
No contact.
Job search.
Go to the city to visit a sick relative.
Sleep.

I slashed the first one, because that has to be a no-brainer, just-do-not-contact-automatically thing and not a goal to work towards. You can totally do it. When you are about to contact, just post here. I know the feeling is overwhelming and the reasons for the contact are completely valid. just dont do it.

Job search, how exciting!! By the end of the day, your whole life could change. I cant wait tohear how it goes.

Sleep?? what is this word you used? Sleep... wait, I have heard of this once before, long long ago. If you find any, dump some in my thread please.

So far so good in my plan. Internally I am still twisted and and deflated, but externally I am plowing through--acting as if--forcing myself to get the job done. I keep thinking back to last spring. If I was able to survive that chaos, I can certainly survive this. Thank you for your support.

All of the reactions you show in your body are due to excess stress hormone Cortisol, I think so. Easily tested.

There is also impulse issues wth Cortisol, a desire to relieve the stress by reacting. It's something to do with excitation in the Amygdala although no one really understands it.

Your whole system needs calming so can you list those things that calm you?

V, you are a wealth of information. It does make it easier for me to forgive myself when I understand the chemistry behind my careless actions. Now I have to learn to identify the chemical responses in my body so I can try to cut it off at the pass.

I usually feel better when I run, however after I am done I think there is too much adrenaline pumping that it makes things worse. It's like I go from Euphoria to crashing. The day this all went down I did an intense training run first thing in the morning and I felt very good, but the day ended so badly.

Walking is usually better for me. I cut alcohol out, and I am going to cut caffeine starting tomorrow.

We need a good long list of quick and cheap things to do.

In addition Msd, you will feel pulled back in, even I do that when confronted with WH rubbish.

It is of no matter, a temporary aberration, laugh at it and move on. Let go the rope of changing WH. Only he can do that anyway, and he likes his power.

You know this.

I do know this--most of the time. I need to know it all of the time.

Can I suggest you read Zeldas last two threads?

You can see this is absolutely completely par for the sitch you are in. It is as it is, when the D is over and things are settled, then we can discuss subtle revenge tactics, just for the knowledge of it. Then you choose to do nothing but the half smile.

I'm off to find her threads as soon as I am done with this post.

Get yourself a rubber band on your wrist and ping it when you are tempted. Then go write a plus, minus and interesting list.

Can you elaborate on this? I am not sure what a plus,minus,interesting list is.

Do you really care if it disrupts WH after D? Now yes of course, foot in mouth syndrome. Get over it, shrug it off, it's part of the process.

I am starting to see that. I spoke to the kids' therapist today because I was so worried that what H said might be true. She set my mind at ease.

If this was Z, V or anc what would you say?

It's Blah, but in the grand scheme immaterial, WH is gone anyway, I doubt even perfect Msd stuff would change WH personality!!

V

This is true. I can't change him. I am a better me without him. I think I am just scared right now. I don't have any security now that I am jobless and it is causing me to cling to the certainty of what I thought I had. The agency that I am supposedly working for has not had any work for me, and I am feeling desperate for other options. I am also being hard on myself. This isn't about love, it is about fear and loneliness. Probably with dual triggers of ending the distracting friendship, and realizing that I need work FAST. That created a stressful situation that triggered old habits. Next time I will try to be more aware of this and use more care with my responses.