Wow. You guys made me cry...in a good way! It was such a treat to log in today and see so much caring and concern directed to me. Thank you.
I'm really reflecting on "there is only the present". I'm one of the worst at dwelling on the past, and putting things off to be done in the future. When I really ponder what I'm doing, right now, to improve my life or to find joy...I feel like I'm on the cusp of some huge discovery. I'm going to thoroughly examine this idea and take notes!
My feelings towards H have undergone a shift. Now that I really grasp that there is nothing I can do, no magic sentence I can say to change him back to the person I love - I'm creating some distance. He says something ugly, I just sigh. He gets angry, I just wait him out. I don't attempt contact in any way unless there is something that needs to be addressed. I say please and thank you. I care, but I am not worrying about him at all. I feel kind of numb more than anything.
I know what this is! I am finally, hallelujah, detaching!!! I'm more focused on me than I am anyone else. My children are fine. My H created this mess, I'm leaving him to enjoy it. Me. What do I need? Got it!
Being around H used to cause some emotion. Other than mild disgust, I'm fine around him. He just seems like a child in a man's body. His attempts to insult me, harm me, or make me cry - I spot the manipulation early now, and it doesn't get to me. I walk away and leave him spewing at the walls. I've created boundaries!
I see huge progress! Right now, this moment? I'm strong, capable, and firm in my decision to move on in order to protect and care for myself.
