From experience, 2 start the rebuilding or a new R. They are called H & W. With all the steps needed as this forum explains.
When there are 3 there is no rebuilding. You are on the sideline, the sub waiting to be called in. Not part of the team. The OM at the moment is the striker or the quaterback (depending on the sport) in your W eyes. You are the waterboy. The fact you get called in may for you seem important but your role is minor.
If you are happy to sit there and watch the OM be the centre of attraction of your W then roll on. Only dont kid yourself.
At least give yourself that self respect to know where you really stand in her eyes and your role in her life at present.
Once you see this clearly, the questions we then sometimes ask about should I do this or do that become clearer. Once you understand your role you will drop the rope, detach from her and more than get a life. Live a life.
if you accomplish this you may find that along the way you meet up again with your W or not. There is no guarantee, which is why you have to walk away and not around.
If she wises up, she will then be the searching from you and if you have done the previous correctly you will from a different perspective decide if you truly want her back or not and what type of relationship you do want if you get back.
I have read on many posts about guys wanting to be friends with W that have an OM. Seriously?. The woman you once made love to, told your secrets, and shared your life with now is doing that with someone else.
Why would you want to be her friend? Why would you want to give up the centre stage in her eyes to someone else and now be happy she has allowed you to be the waterboy? How is that respectful and attractive to your W? How long do you think you can stand on the sidelines watching your W be happy with someone else before you realize what a pathetic life you have made out for yourself hoping that one day she may want you back. She wont.
On the other hand, if you walk away, she will notice your loss. Once again there is no guarantee she will come looking but you dont have that guarantee anyway by the sideline. The only difference is you are in the meantime enjoying life, learning about yourself and who knows, even if your XW does not come back you would have accepted it, become a stronger person and maybe end up being someone else�s game plan.
In short, being friends when there are 3 does not work.
