Hi everyone. I've been Mia it's been really hard past few weeks. So dopie and stbx broke up - good news. Bad news he's found a new one who is a rich rich girl, also divorced but no kids, still talks to her x because they have a business together. So what's happening he's moved out but stuff are still here, we don't talk unless it's about the kids or money. I've stopped doing his laundry. I don't go to the restaurant anymore. Basically just focusing on me and the kids. This time it really hurts because he went public with the information and now my whole family knows. My brothers are beyond pissed at him and want nothing to do with him. His family I haven't spoken to or seen. I'm crushed and my I'm constantly fighting with myself. So I need your support and advice again. I miss you all and looking forward to getting better...
I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. It must be very hard to have no hope. My suggestion is to try to stay in the present moment, focus on the here and now. Avoid dwelling in the past or guesses about future. In short stay grounded. Be well,be strong.
I'm sorry H is acting like an inconsiderate a$$hole. I know it hurts like h*ll, but it was going to be something that came out eventually to your family. It also shows how insensitive he is at this stage in his life, and how much what is going on is about him, and not about you and your M. I hope you see that there is some comfort in that. Remember that DBing skills work w/ family too. Just calm the situation for everyone, let the dust settle, see where you are then, and decide how to proceed.
You probably don't have to be reminded that his behavior confirms that it is so much less about your M or you than it is about him and the really bad phase he is going through and not doing all that well responding to. It would be worse if he broke of with dopie for nothing waiting in the wings - he is still clearly searching for that panacea to heal the wounds he is struggling with. That doesn't probably make it hurt any less.
Hang in there. Let the dust settle, and then decide how you want to proceed given this new development.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Oh, sweetie! I was hoping your silence meant good things. Please listen to Asitis on this. It's obvious now that the problems are all with H. You could have been perfect and it wouldn't have been good enough. It's hard to realize there is literally nothing you can do...but sometimes that realization is absolutely freeing. You don't have to worry anymore about what you can do differently, what you should have been doing, what you should say, etc.
You're free to be you now. Live for yourself and your kids. H is lost for now. You can pray for him, but don't spend any time worrying about him. Just heal at the moment.
O, I am sorry. I know this doesn't really help, but how can any woman get involved with a married man? What is wrong with these women?
You have been going through this for so long now, O, this is so much pain to carry with you, maybe now that it is out in the open you can lean on your family more and that will help. I am hoping this will help with detachment and maybe they can help with the kids so you can get a little "alone time" to take care of yourself. You are so important, and you need to be your number 1 priority right now.
Hi guys. I'm glad your all here to support me and give me advice. I'm more stronger then I was a few weeks ago. Things are completely different with me. I have completely detached from him, I am more confident, I have my set goals and boundaries. It took a while to learn but I am trying so hard. Not to win him back but to make me priority and my kids. Here is something that happened and bugs me and I don't know if I shoukd say anything or just drop it. He was supposed to watch the kids yesterday and I left at 8 to work he fell asleep on the sofa with the kids awake. Around 1030 my mom came and knocked on the window and he opened the door and went back on the couch. Within mins he was snoring again. My mom was shocked the whole house was a mess. The kids had terrorized the house. They were eating candy cause they were hungry and this a$$ hole is sleeping not giving a [censored] about the kids. My mom cleaned up washed the dishes took the trash out and he was still sleeping. She went in his ear and said I'm taking the kids he opened his eyes and went back to sleep. At 430 my mom dropped the kids off at the restaurant by his mom and she brought them here. I was pissed!!!!!!!!He was trying to give me [censored] attitude why is your mom picking up the kids. When I move out and anyone comes over I'll put them down and I said excuse me. That's my mother your talking about. She's the ONLY ONE EVER TO HELP. NO ONE HELPS LIKE HER. SO WATCH WHAT YOU SAY. If it wasn't for her who knows what would have happened.(this was veterans day). Yesterday he took his gf shooting range, didn't once call to see how the kids were, didn't show up, nothing. At 130am he calls to ask about the kids. I'm so beyond mad. What the hell is wrong with him.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Things are ok. My H is acting better, but he still won't say he loves me or that he wants to stay married, but he is talking more and sleeping in the bed all night and "trying". We have not had a fight in almost 2 months. Maybe a little longer. Tension is down. He is starting a job in January which is 100% travel and will last 6 months, he will get home to visit once a month. He still does not get along at all with our daughter.
Also I have been interviewing for jobs. Had a promising lead this week but haven't heard back yet.
I am having a lot of anxiety- between not knowing if H will come back around, 2 of my children's stress problems, interviewing for jobs, and I am starting to feel moments of extreme anger towards H that I don't know if I can get over. I still love him, still want him, but at the same time I am starting to also feel disgusted by him.
I have recently come to the conclusion that I might hate him and I might be stuck with him forever so as not to hurt my children.
