Keeping the door cracked

[beckyb]

Getting too emotional and communicating too much. I need pull back again! H has finally rented more storage and has started moving stuff out of the basement. Yesterday I was home for a bit when he was here. I asked him a question about shutting off the outside faucets and he offered to take care of one of them for me. That his the first thing he has offered to take care of in months. However, I could have figured out myself and probably shouldn't have asked.

I told him I would be sorting through the Christmas decorations this weekend and asked if he wanted a tree. He said he didn't have room. I told him I would set aside a few things that came from him mom. I didn't need to tell him that. I could have just done it.

Today he texted to ask if he could come for about an hour on Saturday to get some things. I said yes but my sisters will be here so it might be interested.

Here's the thing that really breaks my heart. He has a 6 year-old grandson. I was his grandma. Now he is gone and I probably will never see him again. He has a lot of toys at my house and ask H if he wanted them. He said grandson asks for them when he visits. He wanted to sort them out together. I can't do that. It would kill me. I texted back that I would put all the toys in the basement for him. I reacted to quickly and with too much emotion.

We are moving into a phase where we will have to communicate about a lot logistics. I don't know how I will survive it.