brit, I am sorry that you are now a member of a club that no one wanted to be a member of...but it's a good club of people who care and want to help any way they can.
So, let's begin. When posting, please try to post in paragraph form. It's easier for us to read and follow your postings. Okay?
I'm glad you've spoken to a lawyer and been advised as to what you are entitled to. Yes, you are entitled to child support and alimony. Do not for one minute think that if you opt not to accept alimony that it will shine a good light on you w/your h. It won't matter. Right now, he wants out and he all he wants is to get far away from the marriage and start over. Right now is a good time to strike while the iron is hot because he is guilt ridden. Trust me, that won't last very long...so ask for what you think you will need (aim high) and the negotiating will begin.
You can be supportive to your h by saying exactly what Cadet posted to you "Tell him that you love him enough to let him go if that is what he truly desires." Nothing more and no more discussions w/him about how much love him and want the relationship to work out. The more you discuss reconciling the more he's going to run/push the other way.
Because you have children, you can't go completely dark, but you can go dim and only have contact w/him about the children or in an emergency. If he becomes argumentative and/or ugly, cut the conversations short and walkaway. Don't always be available if he calls or emails/texts you. Get back to him later, maybe an hour or so or even the next day. He needs to realize that you aren't always going to be there for him right now.
I want you to start focusing on YOU and your children. They need you now more than ever. There's nothing you can do for your h. You didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. Work on you. Any changes that you make, you make them for YOU and they have become permanent and not just to get him back. Now is the time to think about working on those projects/hobbies that you've put aside over the years. Make a list of the things that you want to accomplish in the next few months and start working on them.
Again, it's now time to turn the focus on to YOU.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
