Brink x 2

[WhyUs]

I think that a lot of this pattern of conflict and withdrawal between us two is about control

I think you could be on to something here.

I want to address something related to the sex encounter that you had. I think you did a good job of setting a boundary. I am sure it was really hard for you to do that considering how much you craved for his affection and for him to initiate things. I'm sorry it had to go that way.

I'm going to try and give you a different perspective.--and this could be totally wrong. So, him initiating the sex was not normal. You guys have been having a tough time of it obviously. Finally, he moves in the right direction. He does something that he thinks you are going to like--you don't, and tell him to stop. That is a shot to the ego. He tries again, hoping he has not misjudged, and you will like it the second time--shot down again. Third time--shot down again.

So, you did the right thing, set your boundary and told him why. You should not sit there and do thngs you are not comfortable with just to appease him. That is not a path you want to go down. He was certainly feeling defeated and put down at this point. He then became passive aggressive over the next few days.

What stinks about this is whole thing is that you were not shooting him down. You really were happy to be having sex. However, he was likely so sensitive that any slight rejection would hurt him. What is so hard about this is that he is not in a place to have these conversations with you if this is actually what happened. This is where professionals are able to help.

Of course, this scenario could have entirely different. I have made several assumptions. The fact is, he could have been a caveman and not given a damn about your body and only wanted to use it for his pleasure.--I doubt this though.

SJ, I am really proud of you. You are a deep thinker and do really care about you H. I wish there were an easy answer to all of this. I wish there were a way to make him snap out of it. I wish he could forget the past, stop the games, and participate in making a bright future for both.