thank you! the more I think about it all, the more I think that a lot of this pattern of conflict and withdrawal between us two is about control - I controlled him because I wanted him to soak up and cure my pain, and now I think he's alternately trying to control me or withdraw from me because he wants me to do something or be something. I don't know what that is, but in the end, it doesn't matter. He can be an adult and have a close relationship with the best adult self I can be, or he can choose not to.
