No pursuing. This means: Do not ask for help with practical things (already doing this). Do own cooking and laundry (new). Do not initiate conversation. Do not ask for comfort, emotional support. Keep a friendly distance.
Treat with kindness. This means: Compliment on one or two things every day, with warmth. Make sure the children obey him and support him fully with discipline. Respect his boundaries - don't disturb when he wants to sleep, play computer games, be alone, etc and make sure children do the same.
Protect myself with good boundaries: I don't get into conversations where I'm being sworn at or verbally abused. I don't let people tell me what I think and feel. I don't use my money to support his hobbies. I don't do sexual things I don't want to do. I don't provide an audience for his sulking or tantrums.
Getting a Life: I walk every day. I see my friends once a week. I have good one on one time with my children in the house every day, and an activity with them (just the three of us) every weekend. I don't hesitate to invite my friends and family into my home if I want to see them. I make sure I have enough sleep and rest. I limit my alcohol intake to a fixed amount at weekends only. I don't work on Sundays or after 9pm.
