Hi Gs9 - I wouldn't engage in these negotiations direct with your W. Things like this are best left to the L's I think. When H and I S, he offered me 60% of the house plus 10k (we also have a flat.) Actually the settlement looks more like being 100% of the house plus 20k.....almost double what he suggested would be fair.
More recently, he's suggested we just 'talk' and sort out the settlement. But I feel I don't want to have the pressure of a phone talk with him wanting to get things resolved ASAP. I don't refuse to do it, but I just go back to doing things through my L...
Best of luck with things....and I would avoid the - you're selfish - no, you're selfish...tooing and froing at all costs.
Take care
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Well.....tough weekend. Sorry for the length of this post. I spoke with the L on Friday. The L said she should only get 50% of the equity and that she would look over the paperwork to make sure it was completed correctly. WW was planning on driving to my office so we could notarize all the paperwork and she could file it. So I texted her "No need to drive down. My L said 50/50 is more than fair and will look over the paperwork before I sign anything. She said the date the court facilitator gave us is not a hard date for the paperwork to be filed and she will have time to look over everything"
WW then sent several text "No. I want it turned in." "Lied again and more..... never said you had an attorney. I want this d over with as soon as possible. Keep your 50% I hope it brings you a lifetime of happiness" "you keep the 50% I want to turn it in. When and where can I meet you"
I texted " Just bc I didn't tell you doesn't make it a lie. You claim and have been acting as if you're not married so you will not receive the benefits of being my wife. I'm not concerned w your wants. My attorney will look it over first. I will not meet with you today."
WW texted several msgs "you didn't act like a husband at the strip club or s*cking t*ts" " Take whatever you want just let me turn it in" "I don't want to prolong the process. Please" " Please keep what you want. Please" " Please keep the house and 50% equity"
I probably should have not responded but there were things I felt I needed to say so I texted " You didn't act like a wife taking ever vulnerable thing I've ever shared w you and using it as ammunition to hurt me. Asking me to share my feelings w you and then not acknowledging or validating them and using that to hurt me. Not forgiving, letting go or moving on. Not accepting responsibility for your wrongs. I do not blame you for my choices. I will not be blamed for yours. Your choices are yours. This D is your choice. I do not want it nor do I want the M we had either. I will not be signing anything today. It will not prolong the D. I do not want to delay it. Do not contact me unless it has to do with the kids"
Over the next 10 minutes she sent 5 messages that said things like "I'm glad calling me a terrible wife makes you feel better" "The boys are not and will never be your boys. They have a great father" "excuses are for the weak"
and then the last one is the icing " I loved you more than anything on the face of the earth. I'm sorry I failed."
She sent several more messages over the afternoon/evening about finances that I gave very short and concise answers to.
SATURDAY morning she began hammering me again. So much hate and verbal assaults. I told her my part of the conversation is over and put in my headphones. She tried to pull out my headphones and I told her if she touches me I will call the police. She backed off and erupted into tears and wailing. I left
She sent a text " I provided a TON for you! You s*cked t*ts! Your choice"
I texted " since you consistently choose to live in the past this the ton you provided and yet I STILL LOVE YOU." I then resent the long text from the day before about how she hurts me.
she texted "LOL, blame, blame, blame. Never responsible. The boys are none of your business. Lucky boys!"
I texted "Blame? Never responsible? I guess you didn't read it especially the statement that says- I do not blame you for my choices- I tell you I STILL LOVE YOU and you respond w a hateful statement"
She texted " I didn't see anything about I STILL LOVE YOU?
This was all about 8 am. I didn't respond or go home until late. She sent 2 lengthy hateful messages about 10 pm.
SUNDAY She asked me if I would really call the police. I said I would if she hits me, touches me or blocks me in a room She said " So you'd be ok with the kids seeing their mother handcuffed and arrested?" I said "No, but I will not allow you to hit me, touch me or block me in rooms anymore. If you do I will call 911" She erupted in tears and hateful comments. I put in my headphones. I was packing a bag for the day getting ready to leave. She came in the room, got up in my face and began ripping up wedding photos. I made no eye contact or even looked at what she was doing. I just walked out of the room as if she wasn't standing there. Unfortunately D4 was standing there as she was ripping up the photos. I kissed D4 good bye and then WW said "D4 when you get older make sure you pick a man who appreciates all you do for him" I had my headphones in so I'm not sure if she even knows I heard it. I left for church, had a lot planned GALing all day and returned home late.
Through out the day she sent 6 messages about the business of our D. I gave one short answer about where I bought the truck.
I took my ring off yesterday. After all of this it just felt so heavy. I'm exhausted. This emotional roller coaster she rides and tries to drag me onto is unbearable. I feel like I'm done.
I still feel a commitment to the promises I made, my vows. But we are a long way away from divorce busting this M. And after this weekend I don't even feel sad about it.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
I believe she still loves me too and she needs time and space to get the individual healing she needs. But when this D is final I'm not getting back on this crazy train
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Oddly, on Saturday God knew I needed casual companionship and He provided as he always does. I was walking through the furniture store getting an idea of what I'd like to buy once WW is gone and really just wasting time bc I didn't want to go home. When all of the sudden I heard a voice I recognized. I looked over, she looked familiar, she looked at me and her name came to me. I said her name out loud and she said "yes?" She was a regular member at the gym I managed 5 years ago. I'm sure God provided me with her name. We sat on the couches catching up and sharing our personal situations. She then asked me to go get pizza with her. While eating pizza I said "do you want to go bowling?" So then we went bowling. We finished a little after 10pm. Lots of innocent fun and took my mind off things.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
