Is there a page of links to success stories of the vets on here.
Like Mr Bond, Starsky, etc
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
W worked from home and I have been home all week because a job in Greece was cancelled at the last minute.
W packed the kids off to school and then set up her laptop in the kitchen and worked . I was in office on my laptop. This is normal. W likes to concentrate and achieve a lot when working from home as she has less distractions.
I kept out of her way except making tea/coffee and my own lunch. W had already made hers and doesn't drink caffeine.
We had lots of convos throughout the day , about her work, my work - normally she never asks about my work, the kids, future schedule, also her mum rang - she has been poorly, I inquired about her health - I'm good at that and validated W feelings . W said she wanted to see her mum on 26th Dec, and did I want to come. I said yes. SIL and family will also be there
We still haven't sorted out Xmas day but we might be spending it at home.
Later I went for a 25 mile bike ride and then a haircut, and when home again W complimented me on the slightly new look - shorter hair plus product.
I'm trying to engage the kids a lot when W is around, to show that I am a better Father and that it will all change if we separate/D. She will be a part time mum and me a part time dad.
Also I have been listening to some trance/induction about confidence - essentially trying to instil in me a self confidence through trance/induction/hypnosis and yes I do feel more confident in my interactions with others and my work. It been 4 days since I started and I think I will continue. I listen to a 28 minute track before bed. Usually I am virtually asleep in 5-10 mins and can't remember what was said!
Last edited by isittoolate; 11/11/1507:10 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
W has put wedding band back on this morning after 2 days off,
Yesterday she worked from home and had running clothes on all day as she went for a short run in the morning and another in the evening. She never wears jewellery or rings when running or in gym.
Today she is back to work, so it's probably just so no one asks awkward questions in work. Still it brightens my day.
Last edited by isittoolate; 11/12/1506:48 AM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Let me summarise my understanding. You have a W with an LL of physical touch, you have a marriage you say is sex starved. A W who says initiate more contact, seduce me. You love your W, and your W wants physical contact and as yet hasn't gone off the rails completely. You aren't sure how to initiate. You want to S with a W who wants close? You want to reduce connection with a W who craves connection. Your testosterone is ok.
Any of your goals are about being fitter and looking better?
Honey, 180 on this. Sandi has it spot on and so have others on the seducton leadership issue. You agree and then deflect.
So what I would like to see is goals built around physical touch. Yours, they can be foot rubs, taking her coat off. I don't care. My H1 used to gently stroke my arm playing word spells on my back. He combed my hair. I am physical touch and have a high sex drive, without contact wth my mate in this way I loose interest but I won't cheat. I adore kissing, rudeness but mainly ordinary every day stuff. There are ways of helping your W to get her rocks off wthout having penetrative sex. You can even keep your clothes on.
Sex is in the mind, you can start with gentle texts. Thinking about your soft skin. Imagining you in the shower. Light breezy and flirty.
You turn you on, W is dong that for herself. All of the naughty knickers in the world won't work if the mind isn't engaged, but big knickers worked in Bridget Jones.
So let's ask a few questions and you can say no V, don't go there.
Have you given yourself permission to enjoy your sex life?
What do you do to turn you on? Do you start with anticipation for you?
Do you have a list of the top ten turn ons for W and yourself?
In your goals instead of listing looking beautiful and dressing well, doing more things domestic, concentrate on the goals for touch for W. Where is the act as if.
The apparatus works well when plugged in. A great sex life takes planning, takes date nights, deep morning breakfasts with strawberries and cream, or smoked salmon, or chapagne. A hotel break or fublng in a car.
There are tons of articles on knocking a ladies stockings off on the Internet. You manage this from time to time, just not consistently. So why have you reluctance?
Is there abuse in your past? is your family of origin restrained? When did this start?
Let's have some goals related to seduction, physical touch and getting you in the mood!
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/12/1511:00 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Firstly I'm honoured that you read my threads. I've admired your thread and your posts in other threads from afar.
Some of my logic back at the Oct BD was a bit skewed by my panic and spinning from what I thought was a SSM with almost all other aspects of my MR being either good or ok.
I thought - solve the sex problem and everything would get back on track.
After reading Sandi2 WW threads and reading NMMNG and hold on to your NUTS, and other threads, and looking into my memory of the last 3 years since reconciliation in 2012, I've concluded that W never really switched back onto me at that reconciliation. I fixed me , but we didn't fix US.
The Reconciliation took 6 months of hard DBing by me, and I turned myself around from a miserable sod to a good guy, who supported and listened to W and was good with WOA, and gift buying. The bit we didn't solve was the sex. We tried, she tried for a about 18 months. NB when we do have sex it's usually good, it's just the getting started. At the end she would usually say, we need to do it more often.
She started to put up more and more barriers and I reverted to Nice Guy tactics, and buried my head in the sand.
Also we never went on enough dates with just the two of us. Only to the movies, occasional meals and a yearly trip to London for her birthday.
At the same time as the barriers to sex and making time and putting preconditions on where sex would take place - she would start to do more social stuff with her friends and less with me. She thinks to herself, he's a good H (supportive, WOA,gifts etc) , but I don't love him, and don't want sex with him. She slowly withdraw with no complaints, ......then I complain and it's a BD.
She wants us to separate after Xmas, me to leave the family home, because she is the primary carer especially as I work away a fair bit. D has been touched upon, but not really mentioned.
I can't give her physical touch. She started to massage her own foot two days ago so I offered a foot rub and she said 'no it would be weird'. Shoulder rub is a possibility. Usually I can also pull my fingers through her long hair - she likes that. But she will get our boys to brush her hair - they like to do it.
I can do WOA , her 2nd LL, ,you look good in that dress, gym gear, your hair is great etc.
More tomorrow , it's late. Thanks for looking in.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Firstly I'm honoured that you read my threads. I've admired your thread and your posts in other threads from afar.
Thank you for the compliment.
Some of my logic back at the Oct BD was a bit skewed by my panic and spinning from what I thought was a SSM with almost all other aspects of my MR being either good or ok.
That was then, we are where we are now. Analysis of then isn't now.
I thought - solve the sex problem and everything would get back on track.
I am no sex therapist but I love my nookie. Sex and more of it doesn't see to be the problem. To me it looks like you may not have given yourself permission to be sexy for yourself. Each of us is responsible for our own desires and getting our fulflment of them.
After reading Sandi2 WW threads and reading NMMNG and hold on to your NUTS, and other threads, and looking into my memory of the last 3 years since reconciliation in 2012, I've concluded that W never really switched back onto me at that reconciliation. I fixed me , but we didn't fix US.
It s not my thought on it. W is responsible for W, you are responsible for you. It strikes me that you didn't switch back on to you, that is your job, to lift your side to do your part of US. You can only resolve your part of US. So why if we are being brassy and very forthright did you not switch you on? W (in fact any significant other) will be attracted if you find you attractive,and I don't mean in the mirror! I mean inside your body and mind.
The Reconciliation took 6 months of hard DBing by me, and I turned myself around from a miserable sod to a good guy, who supported and listened to W and was good with WOA, and gift buying.
That is part and now that's sorted. Next.
The bit we didn't solve was the sex.
There is no we in this. It is your responsibilty not "we". Yours to own, this one isn't joint.
We tried, she tried for about 18 months.
I really hate that word try, it's an excuse set up for failure.
NB when we do have sex it's usually good,
You lucky pair!
it's just the getting started.
Now you have the issue identfed, just like anything else we need goals and actions. A plan to tackle procrastination, embarrassment or shame. Which is it? Where is the barrier?
At the end she would usually say, we need to do it more often.
The Nike principle!
She started to put up more and more barriers and I reverted to Nice Guy tactics, and buried my head in the sand.
Describe the barriers? What worked, what didn't? Did you keep a Darcy, did you journal? If this was an important job project what would you do?
Also we never went on enough dates with just the two of us.
So where is the action plan?
Only to the movies, occasional meals and a yearly trip to London for her birthday.
And? and? And?
At the same time as the barriers to sex and making time and putting preconditions on where sex would take place - she would start to do more social stuff with her friends and less with me.
I don't blame her! She wants GAL, tired of waiting, no dates with her H, it's up to you.
She thinks to herself, he's a good H (supportive, WOA,gifts etc) , but I don't love him, and don't want sex with him. She slowly withdraw with no complaints, ......then I complain and it's a BD.
Mind reading. That is for W to know. If complaining doesn't work, why do it? Why not plan, have goals, suggest stuff instead?
She wants us to separate after Xmas, me to leave the family home, because she is the primary carer especially as I work away a fair bit. D has been touched upon, but not really mentioned.
So you have the gift of time?
I can't give her physical touch.
Why not? Start wth tiny things.
She started to massage her own foot two days ago so I offered a foot rub and she said 'no it would be weird'.
Why ask? Just say I am going to do that for you.
Shoulder rub is a possibility.
Its a starter for 10. Remember that this will be an issue for you in any R. Then for your sake tackle this. Excuse the pun.....
Usually I can also pull my fingers through her long hair - she likes that.
OK, let's have a list of that which is doable and a plan to do it.
But she will get our boys to brush her hair - they like to do it.
Sounds good so far.......
I can do WOA , her 2nd LL, ,you look good in that dress, gym gear, your hair is great etc.
More tomorrow, it's late. Thanks for looking in.
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I am sure others will comment. Let's get to the bottom of this.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
