Still on the first chapter

[Enigma]

Journaling:

Been a while since last post. Nothing really different on interaction with WW. We have only texted since she moved out. No phone conversation nor seeing each other in person for over a month and a half. While I was lonely the first 2 weeks of her moving out, I'm making a life of my own now which is helping.

I texted her yesterday if she could watch S2 next week (one of my days) as I unfortunately have work commitments that evening. She texted back today saying she just found a new job (she's been out of work since end of August). I replied within 30 minutes after noticing she texted me and thanked her for getting back and congratulating her for the new job.

She seems happy based on her texts lately. She's settling into her own life with OM now. If this is her happiness now, then so be it and I wish her well. I realize I have been driven by anger over the situation. But that has faded. I guess all I can do is continue on the path I am. Limited interactions with her while she's consumed with OM (and strictly regarding S2 and logistics).

I keep telling myself she knows where to find me if she ever comes out of the fog, I just have to keep that beacon of light shining.

So I guess all I can really journal about is my life considering don't communicate much with WW. It's sad our lives have split this way, but I'm choosing to make the best of this new life. Looking at the years we were together, I realize I allowed myself to become depressed and negative. My LL is WOA, and over the last several years the nagging crept up and I withdrew. What WW was trying to tell me through nagging was justified as I should have known better and paid attention. I just withdrew...

I want to continue becoming a better person. I will find out the person I'm meant to become. Don't know who that is yet, but will find out.

Things I found I've been changing about myself:
1. Learning to cook meals (still no cooking classes - need to find some!)
2. Being more open with people. The more I do this the more amazing I find which people share stories and their lives back with me, and which do not. If I don't extend myself, I will never know.
3. Picking up hobbies I was always afraid of trying. Getting out of comfort zone is a key ingredient to my growth personally.
4. I still need to get out more socially (I've always been awkward here). My goal is to join at least one meet-up group this month by attending an event.
5. Although number sequence puts this at the top of my list; becoming a better dad. I wasn't as involved as I am now with S2. It's funny, although I get him 50% of the time, I put at least 90% quality time with him. This is more than one I had him 100% of the time. I want our relationship to evolve as he is so awesome.
6. Working on not worrying what people think of me. I always had a fear I had to act a certain way around people for them to like me and to gain respect. This has been very hard for me to get away from as I'm always thinking of how I'm judged. Each day I try to get away from this mindset and be myself. There will be people who like me for who I am, and there will be those that don't. This is okay as I will continue to be me.
7. Work on being comfortable around woman. My WW has been my one and only partner. I've always had a strange fear around woman, and I think it was fear of rejection. I find I'm now becoming more confident and can hold my own without shying away.

Wow... journaling is therapeutic. Thanks for listening to this novel.

Off to Karate soon.