less confused newbie (7)

[dday]

When she first filed, I got up and walked away when she would sit down. That's about it at ball games. I have taken no other actions. But, according to DB I shouldn't ask her out. So I guess that I am at a loss on how to show her that I won't be friends. I am listening to her talk, etc which is a friend thing AND a husband thing. I don't know where to draw the line and I guess I don't know how to show her that there is a line

[Azzork]

How often do you turn down her requests?
How often do you leave her texts unanswered?
How often do you go to the sport events and not talk to her at all?
How often do you put your needs ahead of hers?

[dday]

Ok, this I can answer... sorry I am so dense today.

Requests. I turned down 2 the last 3 weeks. Have done probably 4 or 5.

Texts, if it's about the boys I answer. The rest maybe 50/50

Talking to her, we always talk.

My needs ahead of hers, well that is where the whole pushing for an answer comes in. Her needs are being met, as far as I know. She says there is no OM, and I have no evidence the other way. I am not snooping, but it's a small town... financially, she has the better end of the deal during S, but after D it will be much easier on me and harder on her.

If we D, that will be a huge wake up call to her. She makes less than half my wages, yet has nearly twice the income right now after my support/mortgage etc. Plus, she will have to work full time to get insurance. More daycare, less time with the kids, etc. This may serve to be a foglifter. Hope it doesn't get there, but I am going to have a hard time buying stuff for christmas and bdays, etc. Kinda off topic there.

Ok, where can I improve on this?

[Azzork]

I'm not talking about lifting her fog.

I'm talking about your interactions.

You said you won't be her friend. From what I've seen so far, it seems like you are BEING her friend whether you want to or not.

What do you think?

[dday]

I agree. It is also part of being M. That's why I struggle. Is being her friend the first step to rebuilding? It seems like I have read it both ways on here

[Azzork]

I agree. It is also part of being M. That's why I struggle. Is being her friend the first step to rebuilding? It seems like I have read it both ways on here

It's up to you I guess.

In my opinion. XW fired me as H and I didn't want to be her friend. So I treat her like someone that's neither.

[dday]

That actually dies make sense az. Doing the friend thing is keeping me attached too. I need to pull back anyway, so I guess that is a good place to start. I think thornton went pretty well NC. And it turned out for him.

After s6 bday thing tomorrow, I will implement operation regroup and detach. I'm sure I will struggle, but here goes!

[mutatio]

dday, keep up the good work. Sometimes the mind has to take time to sort out the new facts before the body can take action. This is the process of evolution.

[Ancaire]

D - it will be hard...but she'll either pursue or she won't. Guess which one we're hoping for? She can't chase after you if you're always right there.

I like your plan to start after the birthday. Your boys are at the cutest ages! I'm really envious. Have a great time tomorrow.

[dday]

I am grateful today:

Boys have been cuddly and cute, and a lot of fun.

Have s6 bday party tonight. Another chance to show W how fun and great of a dad that I am. These kids are fun, so it's easy.

Going to see priest/counselor today. It's been a few weeks and he is very supportive and helpful.